Curve Ball
by Watcher in the Woods
Summary: It wasn't that he wanted him to go away; he just didn't want him to get too close. CLC
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: Alas, the boys do not belong to me. Neither do the girls for that matter. Tis Square-Enix who reaps all the revenue from their lovely, lovely bodies.

I told myself that no truly talented, self-respecting writer would ever succumb to the urge to do this. Unfortunately for you, I am neither. Yes, it's _another_ 'Cloud in a Dress' story: AU, OOC and Clichéd. I'd stay away if I were you.

It wasn't that he wanted him to go away; he just didn't want him to get too close. Leon/Cloud. Or is it Cloud/Leon?

**Rated M** for dirty language, dirty dancing and dirty, dirty male/male sex. Spoilers for FFVII (minor) and FFVIII (major).

* * *

**Curve Ball**

Cloud stormed into the house, tossing his First Tsurugi into the corner and stomping off up the stairs, slamming every available door behind him.

"Oh dear, not again," Aerith sighed, casting a worried glance at Yuffie. She stared up the empty stairway for a moment and then turned abruptly back to her friend, determination written clearly across her pretty face. "It's time we took matters into our own hands," she stated, flicking off the TV.

"All right," Yuffie reluctantly agreed, "but do we have to do it in the middle of my favorite soap?"

"Trust me," Aerith said, a devious sparkle in her oh-so innocent eyes. "This should prove to be much more entertaining than that silly old soap."

Now, Yuffie knew Aerith well enough to know that when she said '_trust me'_ was exactly when you shouldn't, and she almost felt sorry for the unsuspecting blond upstairs. But she also knew it was much safer to be on the same side as the flower girl. "Fine," she grunted as Aerith grabbed her by the hand and pulled her up the stairs.

Aerith knocked softly on Cloud's door. "Go away," came the muffled reply.

"I'm coming in," she warned – not much of a warning since she had already opened the door and was halfway into the room. Cloud was lying face down on the bed with his head buried under the pillow. Aerith sat down on one side of the bed and motioned for Yuffie to do the same on the other, preventing Cloud from simply rolling off the bed and running. "Cloud," she called softly, tapping him on the shoulder, and then she waited.

Aerith was very good at waiting, and Cloud knew it. She could wait all afternoon. "What?" he finally mumbled.

"I think it's time to try a different approach."

"What do you -huc- mean?" he hiccuped, pushing himself up on shaky arms and turning over.

"I mean that if you ever want to get anywhere with Leon, you need to change your game plan."

"I have a game plan?" he asked. Realizing too late that, in Aerith's book, failure to deny was as good as admittance, he quickly amended it. "I mean, what are you talking about? Are Leon and I supposed to be going somewhere?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Cloud Strife."

Uh-oh, the last name maneuver. He had a sinking feeling he wasn't going to get out of this one unscathed.

"You've been pining over Leon for months now, and it's perfectly obvious that you've recently had a heart-first encounter with the Leonhart brick wall. You think I haven't noticed how you've been sulking around for the last few days? If you really want to catch Leon, you're going to need a new strategy."

Cloud sat up warily between the two frightening females and shrugged his shoulders, protest dying on his lips as he realized it was futile. Trying to lie to Aerith was like trying to hide from Tifa; she always caught up with you in the end. "It won't make any difference," he said, face sullen and eyes downcast. "He just doesn't like men. He's gone out of his way to make that perfectly clear."

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that," Aerith said softly.

"Aerith," Cloud sighed despondently, finally looking her in the eyes. "For the past two days, he has repeatedly made a point of referring to his old _girl_friend, Rinoa. For someone who doesn't talk about his past _at all_, why do you suppose that would be?"

"So you'll think exactly what you're thinking, of course," she laughed.

"I'm glad you find it so funny. Please feel free to laugh at my expense," he grumbled crossly.

"Cloud," she said, taking his hand in hers. "You aren't the first person to ever crush on Leon, you know. When I attempted to get too close, the only thing he talked about for weeks on end was Seifer, Seifer, Seifer."

"Who's Seifer?"

"See?" she stated, as if that made everything perfectly clear.

It didn't. "See what?"

"According to the things Leon let slip over and over again to _me_, Seifer was his boyfriend back in Balamb, yet _you'_ve never even heard of the man. Now why do you suppose _that_ would be?" she threw right back at him.

"So ... you're saying that Leon is bi?" Cloud puzzled. "Gee, that makes me feel so much better." He snorted and threw himself back on the bed. "Then I guess he just doesn't like _me._"

"I'm saying he's whatever it takes to keep people away," Aerith explained. "Leon is terrified of letting anyone get too close, and I'd be willing to bet he didn't let Seifer _or_ Rinoa get that close either. I think he just uses them as convenient excuses because they aren't here to tell anyone any different."

Cloud was quiet for a few moments and then mumbled softly, "Well, he's made it quite clear that he doesn't want me."

"Leon doesn't know what he wants," Aerith pointed out. "He's just as screwed up as you are."

"I know what I want, Aerith, I just can't have it." He smiled at her wistfully, his beautiful eyes so blue it broke Aerith's heart.

"Maybe you can," she stated, optimistic and confident.

Cloud shook his head. "No. I'm afraid that if I keep trying to turn this into something more, I'll only end up losing what I already have, and Leon's friendship means too much to me to risk losing it. If I haven't already," he added quietly.

Aerith wanted so badly to take him in her arms and make it all better, but she knew that the only one who could do that was the infuriating idiot they were currently discussing, and _him_, she just wanted to smack. Everyone knew that Leon liked Cloud. Everyone except Leon and Cloud.

Though the two of them had previously teamed up for a tournament or two at the coliseum, they hadn't really known each other very well prior to the move to Hollow Bastion. Still, it was obvious there had been an instant, mutual attraction: when two of the world's most unsociable men went out of their way to seek each other's company, it wasn't very hard to put one and one together.

And that was exactly what Aerith intended to do.

"I don't believe that for one minute," she said. "Leon likes you a lot. You're the only person he lets in at all. I'm telling you, Cloud, Leon wants you just as badly as you want him; he just doesn't know it. He tries so hard to hide his feelings that he's succeeded in hiding them from himself. What you need is a way to catch him off guard so you can sneak past his defenses."

"And how do I do that?" he asked hesitantly, knowing he would likely regret it.

"Well, the problem is, you see, that Leon knows exactly what to expect from you. He's familiar with all of your pitches, and he knows how to hit them out of the park. What you need to do," she said, grinning, "is throw him a curve ball."

"You want me to strike him out?" Cloud asked, following her little baseball analogy to its logical conclusion.

"Well, no. Or, yes. Just get his attention. You know; shake him up a bit."

"Like hit him with a pitch?"

"Cloud, forget about the baseball," she sighed. "I'm sorry I brought it up."

"Okay, okay" he said. "I get it. You want me to shake him up. But how?" Cloud recognized the look that crept slyly onto Aerith's face, and it made him quail before her infinite guile. "On, no," he began to splutter. "No way, definitely not. _No_."

"Why not?" she pouted. "Give me one good reason."

"Because Leon will laugh at me, because he'll think I'm a moron, because he'll hate me and never speak to me again, because I'll be so embarrassed I'll never be able to show my face in public again, because ..." he began ticking off the innumerable reasons on his fingers only to be interrupted by Yuffie.

"Oh, I get it" she chirped up. "A _curve _ball. But wouldn't that be more like a change-up?"

"Why, yes, I suppose it would," Aerith said and then kindly pointed out to Cloud, "It's not like you've never done it before."

"Yeah," Yuffie agreed. "It's not like you've never done it before." Of course she'd heard that story. _Everybody_ had heard that story.

"But that was for a good cause," Cloud whined.

"And this isn't?" Aerith huffed.

"Aw, come on Cloudy-Boy, you _know_ you want to," Yuffie added, shredding the last of his masculine dignity.

Cloud sat between the two girls, trying desperately to come up with a good defense and knowing there wasn't one; he'd already lost. Once they teamed up, it was game over. "Oh god," he groaned, hanging his head in his hands. "Oh god."

"Just think of it as a squeeze play." Aerith encouraged. "Sometimes sacrifices have to be made in order to get to home base. You'll see, this is just the thing to wake Leon up."

"Yeah! Like the seventh inning stretch!" Yuffie squealed, bouncing up and down on the bed.

"Sudden death," Cloud whimpered.

Aerith shook her head and gave him a pointed, patronizing look. "Nuh-uh. That's _foot_ball."

Cloud just rolled his eyes. What difference did it make? Football, baseball, hockey – he was still dead.

"Don't worry," she said, patting him on the arm. "You're gonna hit a home run."

"Grand slam!" Yuffie yelled, punching the air.

"Foul ball," Cloud protested. "Wait a minute; I thought_ I_ was the pitcher."

"Time for a new inning," Aerith smirked, "and we're about to put the ball in Leon's hands."

-xXx-

Even after Cid had finally succeeded in dragging him away from the coliseum (because when Aerith asked you for a favor in her very best honey-sweet voice, you didn't dare _fail)_, Cloud never stuck around for long. He would show up for a day or two and then take off again after Sephiroth. And even when he _was_ around, he made himself scarce.

Aerith knew he was ill at ease at Merlin's house – there were far too many people in and out for his comfort – and he never spent the night there unless he was too injured to leave. But somewhere along the line, things had begun to change, and she realized in retrospect that it had started when she and Yuffie moved into their own home.

Truth be told, even Aerith, who enjoyed the company of others, was anxious for a place to call her own, away from the hustle and bustle of what had become headquarters for the restoration committee and the first stopping off point for many of the returning refugees. So Leon had helped them fix up a cute little bungalow nearby, and even Cloud, who happened to show up while they were working on the place, had stayed for a few days to lend a hand, helping Leon out with the heavier tasks.

Soon after, Cloud began to show up a little more often, sometimes even staying overnight on their sofa, so she and Yuffie cleared out the spare bedroom, and the next time he slept over, they assured him it would be easier on them if he slept in the guest room rather than on their living room couch. After that, he started staying even longer and leaving less and less often until eventually everyone stopped referring to it as the guest room and started calling it 'Cloud's' room.

Aerith correctly surmised that the reason for Cloud's staying didn't have as much to do with the comforts provided by their cozy little home as it did the comfort provided by the routine he had settled into with Leon.

Leon had been the first to move out of Merlin's in search of some privacy, clearing out a space for himself up at the castle, and every morning, he would rise in the dark, drink his two cups of coffee, eat his bowl of oatmeal, and then head out on his morning rounds. By the time he had made his way to the borough, dispatching stray Heartless and making note of any new problems along the way, the sun would just be painting the sky, and the rest of the town would just be waking up.

Sometimes he stopped by Aerith and Yuffie's to see if they needed anything before heading over to Merlin's to assign the daily duties for the restoration crews, and Aerith had asked him numerous times to join them for breakfast. But Leon always declined, and eventually she had stopped asking.

Cloud wasn't officially part of the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee. Though he did occasionally help out whenever he was in town, Cloud's main, self-appointed and on-going task was to protect everyone from Sephiroth by chasing him all over who-knew-where, although the one, or uh, _three _winged angel didn't seem all that intent on messing with anyone other than Cloud.

He would disappear for days, or sometimes even weeks, at a time and then show up at Aerith's door, exhausted and most likely injured, and Aerith would patch him up the best she could and make him promise to stay at least until he had recovered his strength. Then Cloud would nod and crawl off to bed, dead to the world for a couple of days, but on the mornings that Leon dropped by, Cloud would often rouse himself and shuffle down the stairs. Aerith also began to notice that when Cloud was in town, Leon would stop by more often and linger a little longer before heading over to Merlin's. So one morning she decided to test her growing suspicions.

Cloud had just returned from a three-week-long absence, during which time Leon had stopped by on numerous occasions. He would glance discreetly around the room for signs that the blond was back, only to quickly leave again upon determining that he was not, becoming more and more sullen as the weeks wore on. But on this particular morning, Aerith greeted him at the door with a cheerful smile, casually informed him that Cloud was back, and tried one last time inviting him to stay for breakfast. Surprise, surprise, Leon accepted. And was he blushing?

Now, as obvious as their mutual attraction was, it was even more obvious to Aerith that neither one of them would ever do anything about it, so she decided to give them a helpful little push – or, as desperate circumstances called for desperate measures, large shove. Gentle nudges might have worked well enough for normal people, but these were the two most emotionally constipated men she had ever met.

So when Leon mentioned on his way out that morning that he was going to be clearing a blocked passage over in the postern, Aerith saw her opportunity and seized it with both dainty hands: She suggested sweetly that Cloud go with him and then bodily shoved him out the door. With identical shrugs of indifference, the two men walked off together.

Cloud returned late that afternoon, tired and dirty from the long day of hard physical labor, but the most relaxed Aerith had ever seen him. He actually even talked a little over dinner, lightheartedly mentioning that he was helping Leon again the following day, and oh, by the way, he had invited Leon to stop by for breakfast again, and was that okay with Aerith?

Aerith and Yuffie stared at each other, wondering what had happened to their reticent friend, and who was this Chatty Cathy sitting in his place? And of course it was all right, Aerith had finally managed to stammer back; Leon was welcome anytime.

Things progressed steadily after that, and in no time at all, the two men had settled into a pleasant routine. Leon began joining them for breakfast almost every morning, and shortly after, Cloud started getting up even earlier to accompany Leon on his morning rounds. Both men seemed to enjoy their mornings together, and it wasn't long before Leon began to look for ways to prolong it, assigning to himself those tasks which required Cloud's assistance – clearing debris or rebuilding walls – and soon they were spending most of their afternoons together as well, casting off jacket and armor to sweat and strain side by side in the sweltering sun.

Amazed by Cloud's sheer strength, which seemed disproportionate to his slender body, Leon often found himself staring at the younger man as he worked – all lean muscle and sleek sinew, golden hair shining like the sun in the sky above and eyes that put that sky to shame. And Cloud, unaccustomed to seeing the handsome man without his jacket, often found himself mesmerized by the sexy slide of muscle in Leon's strong back and arms, white t-shirt plastered to glistening skin. Thus they would work together for hours without a word, occasionally brushing against one another as they struggled shoulder to shoulder to move a large boulder or lift a heavy beam, and in the comfortable silence, camaraderie grew. So did desire.

But some days, Leon was busy in the computer room, recovering data and deciphering codes, or pouring over blueprints and schematics with Cid, and on those days, Cloud would return from their morning rounds brightened and at peace, only to sink back into gloom as the day wore on. If there were too many of those days in a row, he would succumb once again to Sephiroth's call and disappear.

Unaware that Cloud had left, Leon would show up the next morning as usual and push his food around on his plate for a while before excusing himself from the table, only to repeat the process the following morning and the morning after that until, just as suddenly as he had left, Cloud would be back, and they would resume their routine with no questions asked.

Then Sora defeated the Organization, and Cloud defeated Sephiroth, and Hollow Bastion once again blossomed into Radiant Garden. As the number of Heartless declined and people increased, the restoration expanded into new territory, opening up new neighborhoods to accommodate the ever growing population, and new businesses began to sprout up all over town. It was a time of renewed hope and prosperity.

It was a time of renewed hope and prosperity for Cloud and Leon as well. With the town finally beginning to thrive, the heavy burden of responsibility that Leon had shouldered for so many years seemed to lighten a little, and with the final defeat of his darkness, Cloud's outlook on life brightened a lot. Even Aerith's unfailing optimism soared to new heights, and it was with renewed hope that she watched her two dear friends, keeping her fingers crossed that their relationship would also expand into new and prosperous territory.

Things seemed to be moving, slowly but surely, in the right direction – right up until a few days back when Cloud had come home distracted and distraught in spite of having spent the entire day working with Leon and retired to his room without a word. But Aerith just waited, and watched.

When Leon joined them for breakfast the following morning, her instincts told her that something had indeed happened between the two men, even though there was no outward sign from either that anything was wrong. Still she waited and watched.

She watched when Cloud returned upset again that afternoon and again trudged off morosely to his room. And when the two men sat through breakfast again the following morning like two stone statues, still she waited. But when Cloud stormed in like a squall on the third afternoon and stomped off up the stairs, Aerith decided that the time for watching and waiting was over.

It was time to play ball. Hardball.

-xXx-

It had taken Cloud months to gather enough courage to make a small move, and by anyone else's standards, it wouldn't even have been considered a move – just a touch that lingered a little too long, a look that said a little too much – but for Cloud, it had been as daring as shouting his love from the rooftops.

It had obviously been a bit too bold for Leon as well, who immediately went as rigid as the steel pole they had been using to lever a large boulder. Cloud quickly jerked his hand away, but the damage was already done. In the ensuing silence, he could almost hear the walls slamming back into place.

Leon showed up for breakfast the following morning as if nothing had happened, nary a sign of it on his inscrutable face, and from there, the day had continued as usual. Cloud played along as if nothing was wrong, and they both pretended not to notice the dead albatross hanging around his neck, but as the silence between them grew more and more awkward, Leon began to fill it with remarks about Rinoa, wielding her name like a weapon to ward off any further unwanted advances.

It worked – a whole lot better than dead albatrosses.

Yes, it had taken Cloud months to gather enough courage to make that small move, and Leon's response had been crystal clear, even to Cloud. He would _never_ try it again.

No. _Instead_, at Aerith's sadistic insistence, he was going to try something even more insane, with likely even more-disastrous results. And that was what had brought him to his present appalling point – trembling outside Radiant Garden's newest boutique: Victoria's Secret.

_It could be worse_, he reminded himself, remembering what he'd had to go through to acquire his last pair of panties, _a lot worse. _He sucked it up like a real man and stepped across the threshold.

Now, shopping with Aerith and Yuffie ranked right up there with hanging out with Hojo for a fun-filled afternoon, or going on a Costa del Sol holiday with Mukki and the boys, but it was infinitely preferable to the alternative: After browbeating him into submitting to her diabolical plan (and people thought she was such an angel – _hah!_), Aerith had dragged him off to her closet, but one look at the solid wall of pink was all it took for Cloud to promptly put his admittedly rather feminine foot down. If he was really going to do this, he was going to do it _his_ way. It was not going to be a repeat performance of his tacky Don Corneo debut, with purple and pigtails. He did have his gay pride after all.

So here he was, with Aerith and Yuffie, shopping for panties. He could have been removing rubble in the bailey with Leon, he reflected wistfully, but _noooo_; after the morning rounds, he had begged off, telling Leon he had other plans. _Other plans _– he snorted out loud and rolled his eyes in utter incredulity – which were likely to result in the complete annihilation of any last remnant of friendship that might possibly remain between them. Good plan.

He had to admit, however, the place did have a very impressive, not to mention provocative, selection of under..._thingies_. Not that _he_ would know about that sort of thing, but Aerith seemed to think so too from the way she was gushing. Yuffie just kept holding up the skimpy little bits and guffawing.

Cloud suffered in silence as Aerith held up pair after pair of panties for his approval, but when she picked out a bright red pair that was so risqué it made Cloud turn almost crimson, and plastered them to his hips just as the saleslady looked over, he swatted her hands away and hissed, "Aerith, _stop_." To the saleslady's credit, she just smiled as if gorgeous men shopping for erotic women's underwear was something she saw every day and went on straightening out the displays.

But when Aerith started coming at him with padded brassieres, Cloud flat-out refused. Putting on a woman's dress to rattle Leon's composure was one thing, but trying to pass himself off as a woman was another altogether. He was even willing to admit that wearing women's underwear _could_ be a slight turn-on, but underneath it all, the assets in those panties were very much male; if Leon was turned on by tits, then he was looking in the wrong place. Aerith looked a little disappointed, but she couldn't fault his logic and put the bras back on the shelf.

After looking through at least a thousand panties, Cloud finally picked out a classy pair of light blue silk and delicate lace. They were a lot more munny than he had originally intended to spend, especially considering how _little_ material they contained, but they _were_ very sexy, and he _really, really_ liked them. Aerith even offered to take them to the register for him to make up for the embarrassment she had caused him earlier.

They then moved on to the next store in Radiant Garden's recently renovated shopping district, and there he found a simple but elegant earring of fine silver filigree and lapis lazuli to replace his cloudy wolf. There was a beautiful matching necklace that went with it, but it was just too expensive, and he couldn't justify spending that much munny on something he would probably never wear again – especially since he had already gone over budget on the panties. Plus, the saleslady wouldn't split the pair of earrings, so he had to buy them both.

Next he picked out a strappy little pair of low-heeled, silver sandals which nicely showed off his slender feet and shapely legs, and he purchased a very soft and subtle perfume as well a few beauty products that Aerith suggested, but he still hadn't found the right dress. They'd been at it all day, and the girls were getting grumpy, but he refused to let them pressure him into making the wrong choice.

He wasn't even sure he knew what he was looking for, but he knew that he would know it when he saw it. He wanted something entirely different from his normal attire – something soft and feminine without being frilly; sexy but innocent, in a pastel color instead of his usual black, preferably white. Something that would not only arouse Leon's lust, but would also make him fall in love, and he wasn't going to settle for anything less.

They were just about to give up for the day when he finally spotted it. It was perfect, and it fit him perfectly and went perfectly with his new silver shoes, as well as his earring and his eyes, and it made him look perfectly beautiful. Exhausted, but happy, they headed for home at last.

-xXx-

Leon had a way of scrutinizing a person that could make them feel like a little kid who had just been caught doing something very, very naughty – even if you happened to be twenty-four and on your best behavior – and it was that very look which was currently focused on Cloud. It was the second time in less than a week he had told the older man he had other plans.

Cloud stood his ground with a face every bit as inscrutable as Leon's and forced himself not to fidget as Leon eyed him suspiciously. "Whatever," the gunblader finally snapped and turned sharply on his heel, striding away on long, resolute legs. Cloud bit back a grimace at the curt dismissal and walked off in the opposite direction, his own steps slower and shorter, but no less determined. Tonight was the big night, and he had lots to do.

First stop was the store where he had purchased his earring. He had decided to cave in and buy the necklace that went with it, figuring he might as well give it all he had, and then he could give the necklace and earrings to Aerith – since he would be dead and have no further use for them. But when he got to the counter, it was no longer on display, and the saleslady regretfully informed him that someone had already purchased it. Disappointed, and a little angry with himself for not buying it when he had the chance, he made his way home.

From the moment he got there, he was pampered like a princess, receiving the full beauty treatment from top to bottom, starting with a special conditioning treatment for his hair to make sure it was shiny and soft, and a beauty mask followed by a facial massage with some sort of rejuvenating cream which promised to bring a 'radiant blush' to his already glowing skin. Callouses were smoothed away, nails filed and buffed to a natural shine, and legs were shaved.

Cloud didn't have a lot of body hair to begin with, and what little he did was baby fine and fair in color, so when Aerith suggested shaving his legs, he politely declined. So she suggested it again, a little more forcefully, and when he _still _didn't get it, she put her hands on her hips and informed him that there was no way she was going to let him spoil a pretty dress and sexy shoes with hairy legs, and if he didn't get in there right this minute and shave those legs, he would be very, very sorry.

With horrific visions dancing a very lively jitterbug in his head of all the ways in which an angry Aerith could make him very, very sorry, Cloud fearfully gave in and plodded into the bathroom, but once the messy process was over, he had to admit that he _did _like the way it made him feel – all silky smooth and sexy. In fact, he liked it so much that he even let her paint his toenails a very pale pink. Then he finished the whole thing off with a nice relaxing soak in the tub with the very best bath oil munny could buy.

The dress he had chosen was soft, white cotton with short, scalloped sleeves of eyelet lace that draped his shoulders and lightly kissed his upper arms, and a wide scoop neckline which curved across his chest, gently clinging to the subtle swell of his well-formed pecs. An exquisitely embroidered vine of dainty flowers in various shades of blue and silver followed the neckline, drawing attention to the creamy expanse of skin and the delicate collarbone above, and from there, the dress flowed down his slender frame in a perfect fit – not too tight and not too loose; hinting at the sensuous body beneath without revealing too much. Then it gathered at his narrow waist with a soft blue sash, hugging the top of his hips snugly before falling in two loosely gathered tiers to mid-thigh. The bottom tier was embroidered with another vine of flowers and finished off with a row of the eyelet lace.

The girls both agreed that not only was make-up unnecessary, it would be a downright crime to cover his perfect, porcelain skin, but Aerith did convince him to let her apply a little mascara to his pale, blond lashes and a thin outline of liner to accentuate his already beautiful eyes. Lipstick, however, he emphatically refused with a vigorous shake of his fluffy blond spikes, insisting that he didn't like the way it tasted. Luckily for him, Aerith had excellent instincts when it came to picking her battles and didn't push it. Besides, his lips were naturally a soft, rosy pink.

His hair also was left to its own natural devices; indeed, to try to make it do anything otherwise would have been quite pointless, so she simply brushed it to a soft sheen. Then she hung the exquisite blue teardrop of lapis lazuli from his ear and stepped back to admire her handiwork, clapping her hands with delight at the results: Cloud was simply stunning. But there was still one thing missing ...

Smiling secretively, she pulled a small box from her pocket and removed the necklace inside. It had taken every single munny piece she had saved up for the new set of dinnerware she'd had her eyes on for months, but the look on Cloud's face was totally worth it. When he finally regained control of his mouth, he closed it, only to immediately open it again in protest. "Aerith, I can't accept that," he stammered, "it's too much mun–" But his protest was cut short by a finger against his pretty lips.

"Yes, you can," she insisted with a smile of pure affection, clasping the silver chain around his neck. "Because it will make me very unhappy if you don't." Then, raising up on tippy-toes, she kissed him on the cheek.

_Now_ he was absolutely perfect.

And Leon was in perfectly absolute trouble.

-xXx-

Leon raised his hand to knock on the solid wooden door but stopped just short of connecting. Did he really want to do this?

No.

_Definitely not._

So why was he here?

Suddenly remembering the hand he had left hanging in midair, he diverted it from its original purpose to rub at the bridge of his nose. His palm was sweaty.

It was ridiculous. He was standing in front of Aerith's door like a teenager on his first date. Not that Leon knew what that felt like, but he imagined it would feel a lot like this. _Sweaty_.

Afraid that Cloud wouldn't be there.

Afraid that he _would_.

He continued to stand in front of the small, tidy house with its small, tidy yard – picture perfect pretty in every single way, just like its owner – arguing with himself and sweating.

So why _was_ he here?

He made a fist and once again raised it to knock on the door – a bright, cheerful yellow that matched the marigolds in the yard. The color had been chosen by Yuffie. The flowers had been planted by Aerith.

The door had been painted by Cloud.

_Cloud._ Cloud was the reason he was here. He dropped his hand to his side but didn't un-fist it.

Cloud had been avoiding him for days, and it was starting to wor..., it was starting to piss him off. Ever since their little _incident_, he had just ... had just ... Leon realized that his hand was still clenched at his side and shoved it in his pocket.

What the hell had gotten into the damn blond anyway. Why couldn't he have just left well enough alone? Everything had been perfectly fine, _good_ even, and then he had to go and ... and do what? What had he done?

Leon jerked his hand back out of his pocket and rubbed his face again.

Nothing. The blond hadn't done a damn thing. Looked at him, smiled at him. Touched him.

_Terrified _him.

He hadn't really meant to react the way he did, but Cloud's actions had completely unnerved him – more alarming than finding out that Laguna was his father – more unexpected than Edea's ice spear through his chest – more frightening than being stuck in an elevator with Selphie and Zell for two hours –

Okay, so maybe he'd climbed out the escape hatch after fifteen minutes, but it had sure as hell _felt _like two hours.

– more shocking than Seifer's interrogation at D District Prison – more trying than Yuffie's ... more trying than _Yuffie _– more random than Rinoa in the throes of Angel Wing – more disappointing than ...

... than Cloud disappearing for weeks without a word.

He had trusted the blond, damn it, believed him to be just as afraid of intimacy as he was and therefore just as unlikely to ever make any sort of move. He'd thought he was _safe_. But Cloud had tricked him, lulled him into complacency and then turned his whole world on its head.

And then he had just turned and walked away as if nothing at all had happened.

Maybe nothing _had_ happened.

Leon hung his head and sighed. Maybe he had misread the whole thing. Why would Cloud make a move on him and then just turn and walk away?

Maybe because Leon had _pushed_ him.

He had been so relieved at first when it actually worked, and a little surprised. Cloud had picked right up on his subtle hints and had actually heeded them, hadn't forced him to take more drastic measures – like having to come right out and tell him. With _words._

Leon wasn't used to being taken at face value.

Of course, he really shouldn't have been that surprised; Cloud wasn't Rinoa. Or Seifer.

Or Yuffie.

Or Zell.

Or Aerith, or Tifa.

Or Cid.

Or _anybody_.

He wasn't like anybody that Leon had ever met.

He was different, in a way that Leon kind of liked, and he'd gotten kind of used to having the blond around, but lately – since 'the incident' – something had changed, and Leon wasn't so sure he was happy about it. Cloud had been distant and distracted – practically ignoring him – and Leon couldn't help but be a little worried that maybe Cloud just didn't care anymore.

Maybe he never had.

Maybe when Leon pushed him away, Cloud had just shrugged his shoulders and moved on without him.

Maybe ... he had found somebody else.

That wasn't a thought Leon wanted to even acknowledge, much less entertain, but there it was. It had snuck in and lodged itself firmly in his mind – as tenacious as Eden, insistent as Shiva. As bullheaded as Brothers. It nagged at him relentlessly, making him anxious and restless and _irritable_.

Stupid blond. Just because he had pushed Cloud away didn't mean he wanted him to go. He just didn't want him to get too close.

Then a few days ago, after their morning rounds, he had asked Cloud to help him clear some rubble in the bailey, and Cloud had turned him down. _Turned him down_. Said he had _Other Plans_. Leon snorted in disbelief.

So when Yuffie had passed along the invitation from Aerith to come over for dinner and a movie on Friday night, he had accepted, assuming that Cloud would be there too, and that maybe, with Aerith around, they could somehow _fix_ this whole stupid mess. But then this morning, Cloud had turned him down _again _– said he had other plans _again_ – and now Leon was really worried because what if those other plans included somebody else? He closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands.

It wasn't like he was in love with the guy or anything, but Cloud was ... well ... his _friend_, and he didn't really feel like sharing him with anybody else. He lifted his head and opened his eyes. That damn door was still there, cheerful and mocking. So he punched it.

_Shit. _He shouldn't have done that.

Too late. Yuffie opened the door. "_Squeon!_" she squealed, as if she hadn't seen him for months instead of just this morning. He stepped inside without saying a word and looked around. No Cloud.

Aerith came in from the kitchen, babbling about how glad she was he had come, and something about dinner, but still no Cloud.

Then Aerith returned to the kitchen, and Yuffie took over the babbling, but all Leon could really think about was, "Where's Cloud?" He surprised himself when he realized he had said it out loud.

Yuffie spun on her heels and called up the stairs, "Hey Cloudo, Squally's here – you better get your lovely butt down here asap." Then, with a casual wave and an 'I know something you don't know' smile, she joined Aerith in the kitchen, where the two of them proceeded to watch from the cracked kitchen door.

Leon was still just standing at the foot of the stairs, glancing up at the top of them nervously, and after a couple of minutes went by and Cloud still hadn't appeared, he began to pace. Aerith and Yuffie looked at each other and stifled their giggles behind their hands.

Leon looked up again just in time to see a sexy, sandaled foot step onto the stairs, followed by a second sexy, sandaled foot, which were attached to two shapely, slender legs that led all the way up to a flouncy little skirt that hugged slim hips and a taut tummy, eyes lingering for a moment at the tiny waist before moving on to the firm, _flat? _chest and then shooting straight to a pair of smirking blue eyes when he realized with a jolt of excitement and a sharp intake of breath that this was no woman; it was a man, and what's more, it was _Cloud_.

Fuck. He was _beautiful_, standing there like some sort of ethereal angel, blue eyes glowing like moonlight on clear, deep water; his lips soft and rosy. His hair shimmered like gossamer in the morning dew, sun-kissed and golden, beckoning Leon's fingers to bury themselves in the soft, silken strands, and his willowy neck begged for kisses – _here please, and here_ – from the sharp, slender chin to the fleshy lobe of his ear and then down to his delicate clavicle – _trace this sweet line with your lips, taste the warm, tender flesh with your tongue. Feel the sweet pulse of life beneath your mouth. _

_His _mouth beneath your wanting mouth.

Leon's eyes kept returning to his mouth like magnet to steel, moth to flame, and then back again to his eyes, always back to his eyes, drawn there like the pull of the moon on tides, and the blue teardrops that hung from his ear and around his neck laughed in amusement, mere imitations – a mockery, a _joke_ – as if to say _yes, yes, we know, we are trying to be blue, but the eyes, my god, look at the eyes; they take your breath away_.

He took Leon's breath away.

He had heard the story of Cloud's cross-dressing episode back in Midgar, and he remembered how he had laughed at the image of the powerful ex-SOLDIER in drag, but he wasn't laughing now. No, he was _drowning_.

With rising panic, he realized that panic wasn't the only thing rising as he stood there unable to move, unable to think, unable to even close his mouth because all of his brain cells were _dead_, deprived of oxygen as all of his blood rushed south, heart doing double time in its effort to keep up with demand. He wanted to bolt, and he would have if he could have, but he couldn't get his legs to listen – he couldn't get _any_ of his body parts to obey, as was becoming more and more alarmingly apparent by the second. Then Cloud cocked a cheeky brow and quirked his lips in a sexy, all-knowing smile, and all of the blood that had been racing to Leon's loins was suddenly redirected to his face.

With his determination firmly bolstered by the smart-ass smirk on Cloud's face, Leon finally succeeded in closing his mouth and then gradually reclaimed control over the rest of his body as Cloud made his slow, sexy descent down the stairs. By the time he had reached the bottom step, Leon had even recovered his voice, although it was still a bit shaky.

"So, what's the occasion, sweet cheeks?" he asked with a dashing smirk of his own, causing Cloud's heart to flutter with affection in his chest and his private parts to flutter with excitement in his pretty little panties. Then his stomach flipped over with fear, and his cheeks flushed almost as red as Leon's when he realized he had no ready answer to that question.

"He lost a little bet to Yuffie and me," Aerith answered for him smoothly, stepping from the kitchen and saving the day.

Swallowing the lump that had lodged itself in his throat, Cloud smiled at her gratefully and thanked his lucky stars he had agreed to shave his legs.

-xXx-

Leon hardly ate a bite of dinner and said even less; he was too busy staring a hole in his mashed potatoes. In fact, he was so preoccupied with trying to keep his eyes off of Cloud, that he was hardly even listening to the conversation going on around him. He would catch an occasional snippet or two, things like _'so excited'_ and _'nightclub' _or _'dancing'_ and _'can't wait', _but they didn't actually filter through the thick fog in his brain – which felt a lot like the fat he was so intently watching congeal on his gravy – until Yuffie poked him and pointed to his plate.

"You think you could hurry it up there a bit, gramps? Gawd, by the time you're done, we won't even be able to get in."

Leon looked around the table and realized that everyone else had finished and was politely waiting for him. "Huh?" he replied.

"_I said_," Yuffie rolled her eyes and huffed in an exaggerated tone of annoyance, "that if you don't hurry up, we won't even be able to get in."

"Get in where?" Leon asked slowly as a sinking feeling that he knew exactly _where_ settled heavily in the pit of his stomach – right next to the lump of mashed potatoes that was already sitting there like a lead weight.

"The new nightclub that just opened over in the new shopping district, dummy. You know – the one we could already be at if somebody wasn't off in la-la land," Yuffie snorted, waving her hand back and forth in the air as if that might clear away the clouds fogging up poor Leon's brain. "Geez, _Squall, _where have been for the last twenty minutes?"

Unfortunately for Yuffie, those weren't the clouds that were causing the problem. _That_ cloud was still sitting there, pretty as a princess.

"It's okay, Yuffie," Aerith said calmly. "We don't want to get there too early anyway."

"I thought we were watching a movie," Leon said meekly.

Yuffie leaned across the table and smacked Cloud with her napkin. "Did somebody forget to tell old gramps here about the change in plans?"

Leon chanced a quick glance at Cloud, who shrugged his delicious-looking, smooth and creamy shoulders and said with an apologetic smile, "Sorry, it must have slipped my mind?"

Actually, going to the nightclub had been the plan all along, but they hadn't been dumb enough to tell Leon that; they did, after all, want him to show up.

"We decided to go check out the new nightclub instead," Aerith reiterated, just in case Leon still hadn't figured it out. His normally sharp powers of deduction did seem to have taken a unexpected vacation without him. "Everybody's been talking about it."

"Yeah, I heard it's really hot," Yuffie added.

_Like Cloud,_ Leon thought, his gaze still glued to Cloud's shoulders – that quick glance had turned out to be a big mistake. He finally succeeded in tearing his eyes away, only to have them immediately recaptured by Cloud's, and he fumbled for something to say. "So ... you're going too?" he finally managed, and when Cloud nodded yes in reply, he choked out, _"Like that?" _

Dear god, he could just see it now – Cloud in that dress, dipping and twirling around on the dance floor and ... w_hat do you suppose he was wearing beneath it? _Leon rubbed at his eyes, but the enticing vision remained. His hand was suddenly sweaty again.

"That was the wager," Cloud answered smoothly, indicating Aerith with a slight cant of his head, a slender, blond brow arched in amusement.

Leon looked at Aerith with the closest thing to fear she had ever seen in his gunmetal eyes and practically pleaded, "You're not really going to make him do this, are you?" Right, stupid question, and he turned back to Cloud instead, who, hopefully, would be more willing to listen to reason. "Cloud, you don't have to do this." His concern would have been touching, had it actually been for Cloud.

"What? You think I don't have enough balls to go out dressed like this?" Cloud asked with a suggestive smirk. "I'm _gay_, Leon, not a _wimp_."

Just like that – _I'm gay, Leon_ – he just came right out and said it, right out loud, in front of _people_ – I'm _gay_ – like it was the easiest thing in the world, and as far as Leon was concerned, that didn't leave any questions whatsoever about Cloud's balls. Well, maybe a _few_, but certainly not whether he _had_ them or not, and oh geez, the last thing he needed was to start thinking about Cloud's testicles, and he buried his face in his hand again. His _sweaty_ hand.

"So, are you done?" Yuffie huffed, standing beside him and tapping her foot with impatience.

He raised his head and managed a small nod, then mumbled sheepishly to Aerith, "Sorry. I guess I wasn't that hungry." Aerith graciously waved it off and got up to go change her dress.

Yuffie wasted no time at all in whisking his plate off the table and carting it off to the kitchen, and – since it was their job to do the cleaning up since Aerith did the cooking – Cloud got up to help her. His sparkling blue eyes met Leon's turbulent greys as he picked up Aerith's plate and stacked it on top of his, and he let out an amused little chuckle, which worried Leon greatly.

Leon's highly honed instincts were screaming at him to run while he still had the chance, yet once again, his body betrayed him, and when Cloud followed Yuffie into the kitchen, it got up and followed Cloud all of its own accord without any consent from his brain, which explains how he ended up standing in the middle of the kitchen like a lost little puppy. Still chuckling lightly to himself, Cloud reached for Aerith's apron and started filling the sink with hot, soapy water while Yuffie finished clearing off the table. When she returned moments later, Leon was still standing there staring at Cloud and practically drooling – waiting for his master to toss him a bone. His pretty, pretty master in the ruffled, pink apron

Yuffie's amused snort pulled him out of his trance, and he snapped his eyes back to hers, not surprised to find them twinkling with devious delight. "I'll dry?" he offered.

"For reals?" Yuffie asked, but didn't stick around for his answer, tossing the dishtowel at him and fleeing the kitchen before he could change his mind.

Leon watched her run out the door like a condemned man watching his last hope for salvation floating away down the river and trying to figure out why in the hell he had just handed her the keys to the boat. Then he glared down at the dishtowel in his hand as if to say it was all its fault, but the damn dirty rag didn't give a whit, so he held it out to Cloud. "Uh, this is kind of wet."

"Third drawer down," Cloud answered, indicating said drawer with a dainty, slippered foot, his perfectly manicured toenails sporting a pretty, pink polish that went perfectly with Aerith's pretty, pink apron.

"Hn," Leon grunted, leaning past him and bending down to open the drawer, accidentally bumping against the blond's backside as he tugged on the handle. "It's stuck."

"Oops, sorry. I forgot about that," Cloud apologized, rinsing the suds from his hands. "You have to sort of twist and pull at the same time," he said, bending down to demonstrate. "Like this," and he gave the drawer a sharp jerk. It let go more readily than expected, of course, and Cloud stumbled backwards, planting his ass squarely in Leon's crotch.

Leon didn't reply, unless you could call the small whimper that escaped from his throat a reply, but he did manage to grab Cloud by the hips to keep him from falling.

"Sorry," Cloud apologized again, straightening up as he regained his balance. Turning a lovely leg out to the side so Leon could get a good look, he pointed down at the culprit and shrugged, "Heels."

"Hn," Leon grunted again, staring down at Cloud's leg, his hands still holding Cloud's hips. "They're, um ... lovely."

"Thanks," Cloud chuckled, looking coyly over his shoulder, "but I meant that I'm not used to _wearing_ them."

"Then maybe you should wear them more often," Leon suggested, so oblivious to how wrong that sounded that he wasn't even the least bit concerned he had said it. He was far too mesmerized by the way the little pink strap around Cloud's neck kept shifting against his silky white skin, and too busy fighting off the irrational urge to rip it off with his teeth. Then he caught a subtle whiff of fragrance and couldn't quite stop himself from following it forward. "Are you wearing perfume?" he asked, voice low and husky.

"Hmm," Cloud hummed softly, his eyes slightly glazed. Leon's breath was warm on the back of his neck and his hands hot on his hips. "Do you like it?" he whispered, tilting his head to the side to expose the long, graceful column of his neck for Leon's further olfactory pleasure.

Accepting the implicit invitation without so much as a passing thought or a moment's hesitation, Leon pressed his nose into the warm, cozy hollow at the back of Cloud's ear and breathed in deeply. "Mmm s'nice," he whispered back, lips lightly grazing the side of Cloud's neck, and suddenly, the desire smoldering in the sliver of space between them ignited into something so hot it threatened to meld their bodies together. Slowly, Leon's hands began to slide forward, pressing against the flat plane of Cloud's stomach and pulling the blond's body back against his own as his mouth began a slow path down Cloud's neck.

"What in the heck is taking you guys so long!" Yuffie yelled, banging open the door and barging into the kitchen as the two men quickly sprang apart. Cloud immediately returned his attention to the dishes while Leon bent down to grab a towel from the drawer. "Gawd, you haven't even started yet?" she griped. "What in Bahamut's name have you been doing?"

"Here. You dry," was the only answer she received as a very grumpy Leon slapped the towel over her shoulder and fled the scene of the crime faster than a hit and run driver. When he reemerged from the bathroom ten minutes later, more or less recomposed and crumbling walls refortified, Cloud and Yuffie were done with the dishes, and Aerith was just coming down the stairs in her best party pink.

Fully intending to make his quick getaway, Leon followed the others out the door, but as soon as he realized that nobody else had brought their weapon, his excuse promptly caught in his throat, from whence it was forthwith swallowed and slid down his esophagus into his stomach where it met an untimely and rather ignoble death by gastric acid, the unrecognizable remains of which then passed into the small intestines where it was ... well, I'm sure you can follow the rest of the digestive trail for yourself ... the point being that Leon's well-thought-out and carefully rehearsed excuse rapidly turned to utter shit because, despite the fact that there weren't many Heartless around anymore, there was no way in hell that his conscience would allow three lovely ladies ... um, _two_ lovely ladies and one lovely _cloud _... to wander weaponless into the night. Hoping it had just been an oversight on the blond's part, Leon asked, "You aren't bringing your sword?"

Right. Like either one of them could ever unintentionally _forget_ their weapon; they would be more likely to forget their _dicks_. Of course, Cloud _was _wearing a dress ...

"And spoil my outfit?" Cloud stated, his expression suggesting that such a thing would be haute-couture suicide. "Besides, you've got your gunblade," he pointed out, just in case Leon had forgotten that too.

"Well, I was .. n't ... wasn't ... uh ..."

"Oh, I see. Well that's fine," Cloud answered flippantly, expertly playing his damsel-in-distress card. "We'll be perfectly _fine _without you along to protect us; I mean, what could possibly go wrong?" Yes, had it been a game of Triple Triad, he would have swept the board with a well-placed Rinoa.

Patting themselves on the back for a ploy well played, the three co-conspirators – the sneaky ninja extraordinaire, flawless deliverer of innocuous invitations which may or may not be all they appear; the sweet and innocent flower girl, evil genius mastermind behind it all; and the pretty princess himself, master of disguise, also known as The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing – turned and casually strolled away, leaving Leon all alone to weigh the consequences.

They weighed, as the three of them had very well known they would, very heavily upon Leon's responsible shoulders, and so it was with leaden feet and an equally heavy heart that he hung his head in defeat and plodded after the three evil plotters.

Thus began the long, slow slide into inevitability.


	2. Chapter 2

Curve Ball - Chapter Two

They couldn't have asked for a lovelier evening. The sultry heat of the day had been whisked away by a soft summer breeze, and the indigo sky was brimming with glittering stars. Radiant Garden was in full bloom again, and Leon couldn't help but feel a deep sense of satisfaction as he looked around the town, knowing that he and his companions had played a large part in making that happen. Of course, they weren't needed now as much as they had been back in the beginning when it was just them and a handful of others.

As more and more refugees found their way back to the Garden, there were a lot more hands to help with the work of restoring it, and a lot of them had their own visions of what that restoration should look like. They were also quite capable of turning those visions into reality, even when they were visions that Leon didn't necessarily share, such as the very nightclub they were currently standing in front of – standing_ in line_ in front of. And in Yuffie's case, standing _very impatiently_ in line in front of.

It was hard to believe how many people there were now, Leon mused, looking at the long line ahead of them – hard to believe there were even this many people in all of Radiant Garden, much less this many people just in this line alone.

Actually, it was hard to believe that there this many people in all the worlds combined who were willing to stand in line just to get into a place that was going to be obnoxiously noisy and packed with people who were going to be drunk and obnoxious and _noisy_. It was giving him a headache just thinking about it.

Well, that _was _the point of it all, he supposed, pinching the bridge of his nose – _all these people_. There wasn't much point in going to all the trouble of rebuilding the world just to have it all to yourself. That was kind of like wanting to compress time because you would be the only one capable of existing in that world, and that was kind of crazy.

Wasn't it?

Leon never really got Ultimecia. Yeah, yeah, he got the whole world domination thing, even though he couldn't, for the life of him, understand why anybody would _want_ to dominate the whole world, but it didn't make any sense whatsoever for someone to want to dominate a whole world with nobody in it to dominate. That was just crazy.

Unless of course, it didn't have anything to do with world domination at all. Maybe Ultimecia just didn't like other people and wanted the whole world all to herself – a world without any stupid noisy nightclubs full of stupid, noisy people, and Leon could certainly understand _that_. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

You couldn't have paid him to go in this place, not for all the munny in the world, not even if he could have just waltzed right in without even having to wait in this stupid line; couldn't have forced him at gunblade point even, because, really, death didn't look all that bad in comparison. But here he was anyway, waiting in line along with everyone else in Radiant Garden, including a very impatient Yuffie who kept bouncing around and stepping on his toes. At least they were covered in steel-toed boots, although that did nothing to help with the annoyance factor.

So why _was_ he standing here in this stupid line with the entire population of Radiant Garden when nobody was even paying him, and there certainly weren't any gunblades pointed at his head because the only other person in the entire universe that used a gunblade was Seifer, who lived in Twilight Town now and was like fifteen years old and wore a stupid little beanie and used a big blue bat instead of a gunblade – which made even less sense to Leon than Ultimecia wanting to compress time, but then Leon supposed he'd seen a lot of strange things in his lifetime that didn't make much sense; things like dogs digging for hungry cookpots in the middle of battle, and little blue aliens named PuPu who came all that way just to steal a stupid cow, and ... oh yeah, he was supposed to be thinking about why he was _here_.

Right. So it was back to that again, was it? – that same old stupid question that he had already asked himself a half a dozen times today, and every single time he asked it, he kept coming up with the same old stupid answer: Cloud. Cloud was the reason he was here. Cloud, who was standing right beside him looking luscious as a peach, and somebody had to be here to keep all the hungry wolves from gobbling him up.

Well, maybe not _wolves,_ Leon sighed, because he was pretty sure that wolves didn't eat peaches, but he _was_ pretty damn certain that every single person inside that club, as well as every single person waiting outside in the stupid line to get into the stupid club, both male and female alike, were just champing at the bit to sink their teeth into the delicious, delectable morsel standing beside him, and somebody, _somebody_, mind you, had to be here to protect him. Especially since the delectable morsel didn't even have a clue.

The line surged forward an entire three spaces, and the person behind him, in his haste to make sure that Leon closed the tiny little gap lest the line-cutters swarm in to fill it up – despite the fact that 4000 of the 4010 people in line were _already_ in front of him – bumped into him, and then Yuffie glared at him as if to say it was all his stupid fault that they were stuck in this stupid line and stepped on his toes yet again to make sure he got the point. Leon opened his mouth to suggest they just go home, but the voice that came out was not his own.

"Tseng?" a sweet, feminine voice said. No, definitely not his.

"How lovely to see you, Miss Aerith," Tseng replied. "Miss Yuffie, Miss ... _Cloud_," he added with a deferential nod, barely missing a beat; if he was surprised to see their world's savior in drag, he certainly didn't show it. But then, it wasn't really that much of a surprise; they had all heard that story, of course – many, many times; it was one of Reno's personal favorites. And besides, he was _Tseng_, epitome of propriety: polished, polite, and professional.

"And Mayor Leonhart, I presume?" he continued, turning to Leon with an outstretched hand.

"It's just Leon," Leon answered, eyeing Tseng warily as he reluctantly shook the proffered appendage. "And I'm not the mayor."

"I see," Tseng said, though he didn't look convinced. "Please pardon ..."

"Squall _is so_ the mayor," Yuffie butted in.

"It's _Leon_," Leon repeated, a little more vehemently. "And I'm _not_ the mayor."

"That's okay, Leon," Cloud added helpfully. "Nobody can force you to admit you're the mayor."

"_I am not the mayor_," Leon growled.

"Well, you pretty much_ are_, Leon. In every way except officially," Aerith chipped in. "I mean, everybody knows–"

"Please," Tseng intervened, silencing everyone with one softly spoken word. "Pardon my misinformation ... _Leon_. Still, it is an honor to meet the man responsible for so much of Radiant Garden's success."

"I had a lot of help," Leon grumbled, glaring at Cloud – his friend: _the traitor._

"Had we known you were coming," Tseng continued, "this," and he indicated the line with a small sweep of his hand, "could easily have been avoided." He pulled a business card from his breast pocket and handed it to Leon, "Next time, please phone me personally."

"Well, we didn't _know_ ..." Aerith trailed off as she suddenly noticed, along with Cloud, Leon and Yuffie, the small '_Shin-Ra's_' tucked right in between the dancing couple and the little flashing martini that framed the left-hand corner of the large neon letters proclaiming 'Electric Underground'. How had they missed it?

"Rufus," Cloud growled under his breath.

"Fortunately," Tseng said, nodding towards the door where Rude was busy checking IDs, "your presence was noticed and promptly brought to my attention. Now, if you would all please come with me ..." Then he graciously offered Aerith his arm, which Aerith graciously accepted, and Yuffie pranced along beside them, grinning smugly at all the poor sods still stuck in line, while Cloud and Leon followed a few private paces behind.

"Rufus Shinra?" Leon questioned quietly so only Cloud could hear. "What's he doing here?"

"How should I know? Aren't_ you_ the one who approves all the permits?" Cloud whispered back crossly, eyes never leaving Tseng's back.

"Well, yeah," Leon answered defensively, "but the application was filed under the name _Tuesti_. Does that mean anything to you?"

Cloud paused for a moment and then shook his head, the brief look of surprise that flashed across his face quickly replaced by disappointment. "Yeah, Reeve was Shinra's Head of Urban Development back in Midgar," he sighed, "but he was also our teammate and ... _friend_. I can't believe he would betray us like this," he said and then muttered, more or less to himself, "_again._"

Having, only moments before, experienced the bitterness of a supposed friend's betrayal himself, Leon made an awkward attempt at consolation, though he wasn't sure why. It certainly served the blond right – payback and all – and he deserved whatever he got. Still, the discomfort Leon felt at the disappointment in Cloud's eyes was stronger than any satisfaction he might have gotten from revenge, and he quietly suggested, "Well, all of the paperwork was handled through Gummi Delivery Service. Maybe he didn't realize you guys were here?"

"Right. Out of all the worlds, he just happened to pick this one by coincidence." Cloud shrugged. "You haven't seen any talking, mechanical cats or giant, stuffed moogles wandering around lately, have you?"

"No. But I'm certain there was no mention of the name Shinra anywhere on the application. We can shut them down on a technicality if they cause any trouble."

Before they could discuss it further, they arrived at the entrance, pausing for a moment so Aerith could thank Rude for their rescue, to which Rude merely grunted in response, making Leon wonder (and isn't _that_ just the pot calling the kettle black_)_ if that was how the man had come by his name. Under normal circumstances, Leon might have appreciated the other man's terse reply, might even have considered it a mark of affinity, but these circumstances were anything but normal, and Leon's suspicion that the bald-headed man behind the dark glasses was simply too busy checking out Cloud to bother with forming a more polite answer didn't mark him with anything other than animosity.

Things didn't get any better once they got inside. Tseng turned to Leon and indicated a small alcove off to one side. "I'm afraid we require that all weapons be checked at the door," he said politely, but leaving no room for contest. "I'm sure you understand."

Although decidedly displeased by the prospect of walking into Shinra's den unarmed, Leon nodded his reluctant consent and walked over to the attractive blue-eyed blonde behind the counter. Unfairly venting some of his residual resentment of Rude, he handed her his gunblade with a glare which stated in no uncertain terms that she had better guard it with her life if she wished to continue living it.

Impressively holding her own beneath a look which would have withered most men, she gave him an appreciative once-over and smiled seductively, letting her fingers brush his suggestively as she handed him his ticket. The small group of her admirers hanging out nearby bristled with jealousy, but Leon only redoubled his glare.

Tucking the ticket safely into his pocket, he followed along with the others as Tseng ushered them to a small table just off the dance floor, casing the joint for escape routes as he went. The place was everything he had dreaded and so much _more_...

The music was deafening, the strobe lights seizure-inducing, and the smell utterly awful: sweat and perfume mingled with alcohol and smoke and something else which Leon's nose couldn't quite place, but some small, atrophied part of his brain helpfully identified as _raw_ _sex_. The place was literally oozing with pheromones.

And Leon was fairly certain that ninety-nine point nine percent of them were coming from the blond right in front of him. It was the only logical explanation for why he was here, still tailing the other man like some lovesick little puppy (or horny hound dog in heat) but it didn't make him feel any better to know that his pathetic libido was being lead along by the nose, no better than some mindless invertebrate.

Once they arrived at their destination, Tseng made his departure, snapping his fingers at some unseen party and pointing to their table as he walked away. A waitress appeared a few moments later, breaking into a huge grin when she saw who was seated there.

"Lena!" Yuffie squealed, jumping up to give the petite Turk a big hug.

"Yufs!" Elena replied, hugging the equally diminutive ninja back while Cloud and Aerith watched with mouths agape; evidently, hanging off the face of Da Chao together had been a very bonding experience. "Gosh it's good to see you guys."

"I'm guessing this must mean Reno's around too," Cloud muttered, somewhat less excited than Yuffie by their unexpected reunion.

Elena nodded enthusiastically and pointed towards the bar. "Yup, Reno's the barkeep."

"So what brings Rufus to Radiant Garden?" Cloud asked, knowing he was a lot more likely to get an honest answer (and so much more) from Elena than he could ever have gotten out of Tseng.

"Well, you know, we just missed you guys so much," she laughed. "Midgar just isn't the same without you. Course, these days, it wouldn't really be the same _with _you, either," she added, "what with all the destruction and all – but anyways, Rufus figured that maybe it would be best if we all just got a fresh start somewhere else, so when we heard that you guys–" She was interrupted at that point by a rowdy group a few tables over clamoring for another round of drinks. "So um, what can I get you guys, anyway?" she asked, distractedly waving off the other table. "On the house, of course."

They gave her their orders, and in no time at all she was back with their drinks: a Strawberry Daiquiri for Aerith (even the flower girl's drink was pink, Leon noted with an amused snort); something called a Moonlight Margarita for Cloud (almost as electric a blue as his eyes, Leon also couldn't help but notice); and he didn't know what Yuffie had ordered, but it was bright orange with a slice of lemon and a slice of lime, as well as a maraschino cherry and one of those brightly colored little umbrellas that tilted jauntily off to one side. Then he looked down at his own drink – a plain scotch and water – and wondered what that said about him.

He hadn't planned on drinking at all, but realized as soon as he entered the place that it would probably be a necessity if he wanted to get through the night without killing someone, and he had to admit it was probably a good thing that Tseng had made him check his gunblade at the door. He picked up his glass, taking a good, long drink, and a good, long look around.

Their table was far too close to the action for Leon's comfort, but Tseng had probably had to pull strings to procure what others likely considered such a choice location. Leon would have preferred one of the tables nicely tucked away in a dark, private corner, but all of those, as he had unfortunately noticed on the way in, were already occupied with people doing ... _things_ ... that Leon didn't even want to think about – especially not with Blondie sitting directly across from him sipping on his Margarita, the little pink tip of his tongue darting out now and then to lick the salt from his luscious lips. Leon took another good, long drink and kept his eyes on the dance floor.

Aerith and Yuffie didn't seem the least bit fazed by being sober in a place where nobody else was and slowly sipped on their cocktails while animatedly chattering away, but Leon polished his drink off as if his very sanity depended upon it – which, quite likely, it did. Cloud finished one swallow behind him, and when Blondie got up to go to the bar for another round rather than wait for Elena to return, Leon got up to go with him. He wasn't about to let Goldilocks go wandering all alone into the forest of Big Bad Wolves.

Uh, Big Bad _Bears _... or Three _Little_ Bears ... um, Three Little _Pigs _... uh, Little Red Riding Hood ... _Whatever_.

As it turned out, it was a damn good thing he did, too, because the biggest, baddest wolf of them all happened to be the redhead behind the bar; the long, low wolf whistle he let out as soon as he laid his beady little eyes on Cloud confirmed it.

"Yo, Cloud Babe. Lookin' mighty fine there, Foxy. _Mighty_ fine. Good enough to _eat_," Red slobbered salaciously. Like a_ wolf._ Damn, sometimes Leon hated being right.

"So what'll you have?" Reno purred, leaning over the counter and running a lecherous hand up and down Cloud's arm. "Beer or wine? Or something_ hard?_"

Leon clenched his teeth and fisted his hand to keep it from slapping Red's away. Thank goodness, just as he was about to lose the battle, Cloud swatted it away for him. "Behave yourself, Reno," he warned.

Yeah. Leon was going over that permit tomorrow with a fine-tooth comb and sending this bozo packing.

"Aw, come on Cloudy Boy. Didn't you miss me?" Reno pouted. "You _know_ you want me."

"He _wants_ you to leave him the hell alone," Leon growled, attempting to incinerate Red with his eyeballs.

Unfortunately, Red seemed to be fireproof. "Well, _Helloooo_ Handsome," he crooned, noticing Leon for the first time. "Sorry, I didn't know Blondie here belonged to you."

"I don't _belong_ to anybody," Cloud snapped – totally incongruous with his angelic appearance. "Reno, would you please just get our drinks."

"Why, sure thing, Babe. You just stand there lookin' pretty, and I'll be back in a blink. Coming right up with some hootch for the cootch. I'll bring the cock if you bring the tail. Quick as a dick with ..."

"_Our drinks_," Leon snarled, growl intensifying to a rumbling roar. Maybe he _was _a lion. A lion could take a wolf, right?

"_Whoa. _Hold on to your humpin' horses there, Handsome." Reno held up his hands in mock surrender. "I'm just messin' with ya, yo?" And with a wink almost as raunchy as his jokes, he spun around and started pulling bottles off the shelf.

As soon as Reno was out of earshot, Cloud shook his head and chuckled softly. "Don't let him get to you, Leon. He's really not as bad as he seems." Leon didn't look convinced, but let it slide nonetheless. "The Turks might even be considered ... well, not exactly _friends,_" Cloud continued, "but not quite enemies either."

Reno returned soon after and set their drinks on the counter. "Well, there you go," he said with a smug grin. "Three super-duper-deluxe concoctions à la Reno for the lovely ladies, and one boring old scotch and water for Mr. Sure-could-use-some-lovin'."

Yeah,_ first thing _tomorrow, Leon grunted.

Cloud just chuckled and handed Red some munny – which Red refused to take, further pissing Leon off – then picked up two of the glasses and set off on his merry way. Giving the obnoxious, redheaded bimbo one last dirty look, Leon made a point of slamming enough munny down on the counter to cover their drinks and then picked up the other two glasses, warily eyeing the long, treacherous trek back to their table.

The path had been difficult enough to maneuver without the added challenge of carrying glasses filled to the brim with brain-cell-obliterating liquids, but Cloud didn't seem to be daunted in the least. With drinks held high on finely muscled arms and sexy hips swaying, he gracefully navigated his way through the crowd, sidestepping all the wildly gyrating bodies with flourish and finesse while Leon watched with an admiration that bordered on awe and followed more cautiously.

But they soon made it back without mishap, and Leon let out a sigh of relief, relaxing a little once he and Cloud were both back in the relative safety of their own little table – an island of asylum in the surrounding sea of insanity. His false sense of security, however, was short-lived because, before Cloud could even sit down, Aerith jumped up and dragged him out on the dance floor, leaving Leon alone with Yuffie. He quickly gave her one of his very deadliest glares lest she get any similar ideas.

"Gawd, Squall," she pouted, "you are such a party poophead."

_Yeah, well, better a poophead than a moron_, he grimaced – he hadn't danced since Rinoa_ – _and he felt sort of sorry for Cloud; this was certainly not going to be pretty. Well, _pretty_ maybe, but not _good;_ not in those heels.

Leon took another swallow of scotch and tried to ignore Yuffie drumming her fingers on the table, which wasn't all that difficult to do since he couldn't hear a thing over the blasted music, but he probably wouldn't have noticed her anyway, even had she burst into flames sitting right there beside him, because the blond out on the dance floor was even hotter. Much, much hotter. As in _burning up._

And what's more, he was good – _damn_ good, actually – and he sure as hell must have gotten used to those heels awful damn fast because they weren't slowing him down the least little bit, and that sexy little move he kept doing with his – yeah,_ that one, _Leon whimpered – was _really_ fucking hot, and Leon picked up his glass to take another drink, but damn if it wasn't already empty.

The song finally ended, allowing Leon to catch a much-needed breath, but then another one started up, and so did Cloud and Aerith, so Leon got up and went back to the bar for another drink, because even having to face Red again wasn't as terrifying as having to sit there watching Cloud. By the time he got back to the table two songs later, Cloud and Aerith were just returning as well, all breathless and beautiful, and Leon almost downed his new drink in one gulp.

Cloud plopped down in his chair with an exaggerated exhalation, feigning exhaustion, but Aerith immediately latched on to Yuffie and yanked her out of her seat. She started pulling the younger girl towards the dance floor, but suddenly stopped short and looked back over her shoulder at Leon with a sparkle in her emerald eyes and a toss of auburn curls. "Why don't you dance with Cloud?" she suggested and then skipped away with Yuffie, leaving a trail of laughter behind her.

Leon promptly choked on the swallow of scotch in his mouth, though he did somehow manage not to spew it all over the table, and the look of panic in his eyes evoked Cloud's pity. "That's okay, Leon" he said softly, shrugging it off with a smile. "I could use a breather anyway."

Leon was grateful, but he didn't miss the disappointment in Cloud's eyes nor the sadness in his smile, and once again, he didn't like it. Still, he wasn't sure how to fix it, so they sat there in silence; a silence which quickly became awkward, like all of their silences of late. They nursed their drinks and pretended to be engrossed in watching the couples out on the dance floor rather than acutely aware of each other, and just when Leon thought he wouldn't be able to stand it another second, the girls returned, and then Elena showed up, and Leon ordered another round.

"Hey, Buster, aren't you supposed to be our designated driver?" Yuffie scolded, shaking her finger at Leon.

To which Leon replied, "We _walked_, Yuffie," and then everybody laughed, and the dark cloud which had been hanging over their table suddenly broke up and blew away. Softly shimmering disco stars came out and danced around the room like diamonds, and the conversation flowed along like a cheerfully babbling brook. Even the music wasn't so bad any more, and for one brief, shining moment, all was right with Leon's world.

Unfortunately, that dark cloud came barreling back like an afternoon thunderstorm – out of the blue and with a vengeance – in the form of a handsome, dark-haired man with violet eyes and a blinding smile, and rained all over poor Leon's parade. "Would you like to dance?" the man asked, holding out his hand to Cloud, and all the little stars blinked out, the music hit a sour note, and the lively conversation drowned in the downpour like a dead rat.

Cloud looked at Leon with undisguised hope in his eyes, but Leon just sat there staring at the empty glass in his hand and didn't say a word, not even when Aerith prodded him with a soft, "_Leon?_" Then the hope in Cloud's eyes slowly went the way of the stars, each little pinpoint of light pricking the back of his eyes as they blinked out one by one, leaving a hard lump in his throat, a bitter taste in his mouth, and his heart in a billion shattered pieces on the floor.

He sat there for a moment, staring down at the mess at his feet that had once been his heart, and then – just like he had so many times before in his short, but not so sweet, little life – he scooped up the pieces and carried on. "Sure. I'd like that," he said with a bittersweet smile, and with head held high, he walked away with the handsome stranger.

Aerith and Yuffie just sat there for several stunned moments before Aerith finally asked, "Are you really just going to sit there and let him walk away?" When Leon still didn't answer, Yuffie snorted in disbelief, and Aerith clicked her tongue in disappointment. "You're a fool, Leon," she said quietly, "a sad and stubborn fool who's going to end up a bitter and lonely _old _fool." Then she grabbed Yuffie by the hand and followed Cloud out to the dance floor where there were real, _live _people, leaving Leon all alone to stew in his own sour juices.

He sat there for all of five seconds before jumping up and storming out the door. The line outside was gone, and as soon as the solid steel door closed behind him, the pounding music faded to a distant rumble, leaving him with only his thoughts, which didn't make for very good company, and Rude, who didn't make for very good company either.

He turned and stalked off down the street, but hadn't made it more than a block away before realizing he had walked right out without Lionheart, and he glanced down fearfully to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything else. Relieved to find himself still in possession of the family jewels, his trepidation then turned to chagrin, and with a growl of frustration, he plopped down on a nearby bench and buried his head in his hands.

Unfortunately, the back of his eyelids were still playing the same old boring B-Movie reruns they had been playing for the last twenty seven years and failed to hold his attention, so he lifted his head to study the stars instead. But that turned out to be an even bigger mistake, for they appeared to be blinking in celestial Morse code, and the message they were spelling out was loud and clear:

_You, Squall Leonhart, _they wholeheartedly agreed with Aerith, _are a fool._

-xXx-

Humbled by the harsh but honest judgment of the stars, Leon returned to the nightclub much more meekly than he had left it and faced Rude with as much dignity as he could muster. But Rude was every bit as good at hiding his emotions as Leon, and if there was a smirk behind those dark glasses, he didn't allow it to reach the rest of his face. He merely held the door open and waited for Leon to enter.

Leon slunk back to their table to find it still empty and looked around the club for his companions. Yuffie was hard to miss, exuberantly bouncing around on the dance floor with some blond-headed kid with a tail and just as much energy as Yuffie, and he spotted Aerith standing at the far end of the bar talking to Tseng, but Cloud was nowhere to be seen.

Leon's heart began to race, and his stomach churned as he frantically searched the room for the familiar, flaxen head of hair, feeling sicker and sicker with every passing moment that he failed to find it. _Had he left? With that guy? _Then the throng of writhing bodies suddenly parted, and there he was, shining like an angel in the disco's heavenly lights.

After swallowing the lump that was stuck in his throat, Leon realized that his mouth was dry and his glass was empty, so he made his way back to the bar. Reno must have seen him coming, for he had a scotch and water waiting, as well as some advice.

"No, seriously man; this one's on me," he said with an actual modicum of decorum, pushing Leon's hand away when he attempted to pay. "You look like you just lost your best friend." He looked pointedly in the direction of the dance floor.

Leon followed Reno's gaze out to where his angelic blond was still dancing with that black-haired devil and then sat down on the barstool with a defeated sigh.

"You know," Reno continued, letting out a melodramatic sigh of his own, "They say life's too short for regrets, and though the kicked-puppy look is really sexy on you, I get the feeling you're gonna kick yourself all the way to the grave if you let him slip away."

When Leon still didn't respond, Reno leaned in closer and lowered his voice. "Look, I know it's none of my business, but why don't you just go out there and ask him to dance? Man, if Cloud ever looked at me the way I saw him looking at you, I'd be on him faster than Yuffie on a fully mastered Knights of the Round Materia."

Leon finally looked at the other man, really _looked _at him then, and the sincerity he found in the redhead's pretty, teal eyes surprised him. With a determined nod, he threw back the last of his scotch, set the glass on the bar, and stood up. "Thanks," he said. "For the drink, and the advice."

"No problemo; just part of the job description. Now go get him, Tiger. Just remember that if you ever hurt that man, you'll have to answer to the Turks."

"Got it," Leon acknowledged with another nod, then turned and walked out on the dance floor. Taking a deep breath, he gave Cloud's partner a firm tap on the back of his shoulder, probably a bit harder than was necessary.

"Huh?" the man answered, looking over his shoulder with a dazed and dreamy expression on his handsome face. Recognizing the grumpy guy from Cloud's table, his blissful look quickly turned to a frown.

"Get lost," Leon growled, low and menacing.

But the dark-haired man wasn't that easily intimidated, nor was he willing to give up his pretty new partner without so much as a protest. "Hey, we're in the middle of a dance here if you don't mind."

"Actually, I do mind," Leon answered, returning the man's frown with his patented scowl. "So shove off; he's not available."

Confused by the out-of-the-blue possessiveness of Cloud's heretofore indifferent friend, and uncertain as to how he should handle it, he turned back to Cloud for guidance, but one glance was all it took to know that he had lost not only the battle, but most likely the war as well. For in spite of what some people seemed to think, Zachary Fair was no foolish young pup; he had been around enough to recognize a love-struck look when he saw one, and 'absolutely smitten' was written all over Cloud's face. He looked back at Leon again and found the same look there too, indiscernible on the man's emotionless face, but shining bright and unmistakable in the eyes locked on Cloud.

Still, it was Cloud's decision to make, so Zack turned once more to the blond and waited for some indication as to what he should do. When he realized that Cloud had apparently forgotten he was even there, Zack quietly called his name.

"Uh ... sorry," Cloud answered softly, dropping Zack's hand and taking a small step back.

"Well ... all right then," Zack reluctantly agreed, scratching the back of his neck with a sheepish grin. "But if you change your mind, just give me a shout."

"I'll do that," Cloud promised. "And Zack ... thanks."

"Hey, the pleasure was all mine," Zack answered easily with a carefree shrug, and just like that, his dazzling smile was back in place. Whistling along with the music, he sauntered off towards the bar, already scoping out the crowd for a new dance partner.

Leon watched him walk away, feeling a rather vindictive sense of satisfaction when he was accosted by a certain redhead at the bar, not realizing that Zack would not only enjoy Reno's juvenile jokes, but would likely return them twofold; when it came to sophomoric sexual innuendos and cheesy pick-up lines, they were cut from the same carnal cloth: two puerile peas in a prurient pod.

Nor did Leon particularly care that Zack hadn't really _done _anything to warrant revenge; indeed, if anyone were to blame for the situation, it would have to be Leon himself, but that didn't stop him from wishing slow death by Reno on the other man for daring to touch _his_ Cloud. The fact that nobody knew Cloud was his because Leon had neglected to tell anyone – including, evidently, himself – was a mere, easily overlooked technicality.

Leon's gloating came to an abrupt end when the lights suddenly dimmed and a slow, romantic song began to play, almost as if by magic. Well, maybe not magic, but something close to it, he smiled to himself, watching Aerith walk away from the DJ's booth to join Reno and Zack at the bar. She flashed him an encouraging smile, and Reno gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up. Even Zack gave him a nod, and Yuffie stopped bouncing around long enough to give him a great big goofy grin.

Resolutely squaring his shoulders and taking another deep breath, Leon turned to find Cloud watching him quietly, his head slightly cocked to one side and a soft look of puzzlement painting his beautiful face. Then suddenly the rest of the world was forgotten, and with a small, insecure smile that he knew couldn't hold a candle to Zack's, Leon offered him his hand.

-xXx-

Leon had no idea how long they'd been dancing; he had long since lost track. That first, slow dance might as well have been a lifetime ago and was little more than a distant blur – a warm, fuzzy blur with his mind oblivious to everything other than the feeling of Cloud in his arms.

A faster song followed, with his mind more focused but his movements still stilted as he tried to find his courage and his feet, stumbling over half-remembered ballroom steps out of sync with hard rock music. Then another fast one which went more smoothly once he finally stopped _thinking_ about it all and just allowed his natural rhythm and grace to take over.

After that, another slow song or two, followed by a few more fast songs, he thought, but it was there that he had begun to lose count, because by then he had loosened up considerably, getting more and more creative as the evening wore on. Hesitant, faltering steps turned to confident twists and complex turns with Cloud swinging into and out of his arms, leading to some rather suggestive bumping and grinding which soon deteriorated into full-out down and dirty out on the dance floor.

But eventually, the dirty dancing slowed into something even more intimate, something which Leon wasn't sure could even still be truly classified as dancing; it was more like clinging and swaying. And that was exactly how closing time found them – after the last call had been called and the last dance danced, the houselights turned up bright and the music down low – still clinging tightly, and swaying to their own enduring beat.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: This chapter has been edited for FFNet. The fully smutted version can be found at:  
thewarywarbler. livejournal. com/ 4152. html (or you can click the homepage link on my profile page.)

* * *

Curve Ball - Chapter Three

There was a lot to be said for oblivion.

At least that's what Leon would have told you, had you asked him at that particular moment in time.

Stepping out of the nightclub into the fresh night air was like being hit with a wave of esuna, and the confusion spell he had obviously been under swiftly washed away. The walk home cleared his mind even further, and by the time they reached Aerith's, he was approaching a state of complete lucidity. He just wasn't certain he wanted it.

Clearheadedness had the nasty tendency of making you remember all the things you did while drunk that you would much rather curl up in a tight little fetal ball and forget – things like grinding mindlessly on the dance floor with Cloud. Yes, the light of sobriety was a harsh and unforgiving mistress who magnified every single, embarrassing mistake and illuminated them in all their glaring, gory details.

The fact that he desperately needed to take a piss wasn't helping anything either, and it was at that point that Leon buried in his face in his hands and groaned.

_Oh god, what had he done? _Years of diligence and discipline down the drain.

Luckily, the others were too busy to notice their fearless leader's little anxiety attack. Aerith was fumbling around in her pockets, trying to find the key; Yuffie was clinging to Cloud's back, where she had been hanging for the last half of the way home; and Cloud was still trying, unsuccessfully, to remove her.

"Ah-ha!" Aerith cried, holding up the little gold key. She attempted to fit it into the lock, but failed.

"Gimme that," Yuffie giggled, finally unwrapping her arms from Cloud's neck and sliding down his back. She waggled a finger at the flower girl. "You're _drrrrunk_."

"Sor'you," Aerith giggled back, dropping the key, which hit the cement with a cheerful little clink. Both girls dove after it, but only succeeded in smacking their heads together. "Oww," they said in unison, rubbing their foreheads, but they were still giggling as if it was the funniest thing ever in the whole wide world.

"You're _both_ drunk," Cloud admonished with a disapproving shake of his head, but it failed to disguise the affection in his softly glowing eyes. Deftly swooping up the key from the stoop, he opened the door for the two giggly-wiggly-wobbly women and then turned to Leon with a hopeful smile. "You comin' in?"

_Well, was he? _

Leon stood there silently with one of his infamous internal debates obviously raging in his head. Who knew what deep and complex thoughts went on in there?

Should he go inside to use their bathroom? Or just pee in the bushes on the way home?

Knowing his luck, he'd probably get caught, and what sort of example would that set for the young boys and girls who looked up to him? He could just see the headlines now:

**Mayor Caught With Pants Down  
**Restoration leader Leonhart relieves himself on Radiant Garden's newly planted roses.

The hell with the young boys and girls, Leon shuddered; Aerith would _kill_ him. And hadn't he just recently approved a requisition for some sharp new pruning shears for the Garden Committee?

"Yeah," he wisely decided, following the girls inside and making a beeline for the bathroom while Cloud locked up behind them.

"Oh goodness," Aerith sighed, wiping the tears from her watering eyes. "I think I hear beddy-bye calling."

"_Oooooh,_ I thought that was _Leee-ooon_," Yuffie said as a satisfied _'Aaaah' _drifted out from the bathroom. Then they both doubled over with laughter again, and Yuffie stumbled into Aerith, who then stumbled into Cloud, who was, thankfully, as steady as a rock, so they both decided to stay there. It was always good to have your very own rock to cling to when the world around you was spinning so.

Their rock, however, had other plans which didn't include the two girls and promptly threw them over his shoulders and hauled their giggling asses up the stairs, depositing them on said respective beddy-byes.

"Tell Leon we said nighty-night," Aerith cooed sweetly, but the affected innocence in her voice only underscored the naughty twinkle in her eyes. "And tell him we said to be _good_."

"Yeah. _Very, very _good," Yuffie added, and they both burst into another fit of giggles. Cloud shook his head and rolled his eyes, but Aerith caught the small upward twitch at one corner of his mouth and returned it with a great big adoring smile of her own. He gently closed the door behind him and went back downstairs.

Leon was still in the bathroom, contemplating the incredible capacity of the human bladder as he finished emptying the unpretentious little organ ... remarkable, really ... _amazing_ even, and he was pretty sure he couldn't possible have drunk that much the entire night... But eventually the steady stream tapered off to a small trickle, followed by a few last squirts; then he gave it a good shake or two and tucked himself back in his britches.

Geez, he must have had urine backed up all the way to his brain, making it soggy and sluggish, because now that the pressure was off, he realized that it was two-thirty in the morning and highly unlikely that there were any reporters lying in wait in the roses to destroy his reputation, making the bushes a much safer bet than Aerith's bathroom because now he had to figure out a way to get _out_ of that bathroom and then out of the house without running into Cloud.

_Cloud. _

A warm feeling flooded his body when he thought about the beautiful blond, and a certain somebody promptly stood up and took notice. That's right; now that it was no longer preoccupied with not wetting itself, Leon's dick decided to fill its silly little head with bigger and better ideas. Leon washed his hands and attempted to will his unwanted erection away.

It wasn't that he didn't want to see the blond – no, he obviously wanted to see him very much – he just thought it would be better to go home and sleep on it first so he could reexamine this frightening new thing in the clear light of morning before doing something _rash_. Taking a deep breath, Leon cautiously cracked open the bathroom door and peeked outside to see if the coast was clear. A light was on in the kitchen, but the living room was quiet and dark; all he had to do was tiptoe quietly to the front door and make his escape. Very carefully, he slipped out of the bathroom and marched straight to kitchen.

The only rational explanation was that there was some sort of powerful magnetic force in Aerith's kitchen that had sucked him in, and indeed there was, for there, leaning against the kitchen counter, eating vanilla ice cream straight from the carton, was Cloud, looking like a vanilla ice cream dream. Leon stared at the blond and swallowed a sob. He was doomed, and it was all his own doing.

He was an idiot. A nitwit. A _moron_.

Dumb as a dodo bird. Mad as a March hare.

Crazy as a Laguna loon.

He was hard as a fucking rock.

"Girls go to bed?" he mumbled, avoiding Cloud's eyes lest he get further ensnared in their web of desire. He looked around the small kitchen instead.

Cloud hummed a rather ambiguous reply around the spoon in his mouth, watching with amusement as Leon's eyes fluttered around the room like a butterfly following pheromones – and lighting on everything but the source. Was he looking for the girls?

Perhaps he thought they were concealed somewhere in the kitchen? That Aerith was hiding behind the refrigerator? Yuffie stowed away in the stove? Or perhaps he had simply taken a sudden interest in kitchen appliances.

Cloud couldn't help the soft chuckle that slipped from his mouth. Was it wrong to be getting so much pleasure from another's obvious distress? Silly little swallowtail, refusing to even look at him as if that could save him from Cloud's net. Cloud held out a spoonful of ice cream and asked in his most innocent voice, "Want some?"

Against his will, Leon's eyes were immediately drawn to the blond. Oh god yes. _Yes._ He shook his head. _"_No thanks."

"Suit yourself." Cloud shrugged and stuck the spoon back in his mouth.

"So ... um ... I guess I, um ... I oughta get ... uh, going," Leon stuttered, eyes locked on the spoon as Cloud curled his tongue around it and licked it clean.

Dropping the spoon back in the carton and setting the carton down on the counter, Cloud cocked his head and took a small step forward. "Get a-going?"

"Home." Leon nodded. And added, "It's late."

"Mmm," Cloud hummed, and took another step forward. "_Late_."

"Right ... _late_. And ..." There was a milky-white drop of melted ice cream on Cloud's luscious lower lip. "And ..."

"And _dark,_" Cloud suggested, taking another step forward.

Leon shook his head. "And ..."

"... _the castle is so far away._" And another.

Leon shook his head again, harder. "And _tomorrow ..._"

"... is_ Saturday_." Cloud's talented, pink tongue darted out and licked away the wayward drop of cream. His sexy, sandaled foot took another step forward. Leon whimpered.

"And the _guhh ..." _

Closer.

_"_the _guh ..." _

Closer.

"the ..."

"... _girls are upstairs asleep,_" Cloud whispered against the corner of Leon's mouth, his sweet vanilla ice cream breath washing over Leon's lips.

A low, agonized moan crawled up the back of Leon's throat and tore itself from his mouth as it closed over Cloud's. He tasted like vanilla too, and his mouth was ice cream cold, but it didn't stay that way for long as their kiss rapidly heated up, fingers clutching at chestnut satin and sliding through silky blond as they urgently sought to deepen it.

Desperate with the need to get closer, Leon wrapped an arm around Cloud's waist and pulled his supple body tightly to his own, bending the younger man backwards as he fisted the shorter hair at the nape of Cloud's neck and forced his head back, exposing the slender column of creamy skin to the hot caress of his mouth. With velvet tongue and torturous teeth, he worked his way down slowly over the soft, warm skin, marking him, claiming him, _devouring_ him as Cloud clawed at his back, scrabbling for purchase in the sudden, unbridled storm that engulfed him.

Swept almost literally off his feet, Cloud struggled to regain the upper hand, but couldn't get a solid foothold with nothing to brace himself against for leverage. He tried pounding on Leon's chest and jerking him by his belts, even resorted to the demeaning tactic of pulling his hair, but it was all to no avail. So he grabbed the chain around Leon's neck and gave it a forceful yank, finally throwing the brunet off balance as well. Then he shoved him as hard as he could, sending him stumbling backwards into a small metal cart sitting next to the fridge.

Leon landed rather inelegantly on his butt on the top of it, knocking over several of Aerith's large stainless steel pots, which then clattered to the floor with a terrible racket – one of the lids rolling clear across the kitchen before clanging into the side of the stove and then slowly wobbling to a stop as both men watched in horror-stricken silence.

"Oops," Cloud said softly.

––

Yuffie was having the most wonderful dream about shiny new throwing stars and fully mastered Knights of the Round Materia when a loud crash from downstairs woke her up. She abruptly sat up in the bed, eyes wide. "What was that?"

"Hmm ... it sounded like those big stock pots I keep on the cart beside the refrigerator," Aerith answered calmly.

"Maybe I should go check," Yuffie said, already climbing out of bed. "It might be a burglar."

Aerith leapt out of her own bed and onto Yuffie's, grabbing the younger girl by the arm with a speed and agility that surprised the ninja and, quite frankly, put her to shame. Who knew Aerith could move that fast?

"It's not a burglar," Aerith assured her. "The boys are downstairs."

"_Oh_," Yuffie said with a knowing nod.

––

"Good going, Strife."

Leon was the first to recover from shock, but before he could so much as move a muscle – other than those of his mouth, of course – Cloud grabbed him by his jacket and jerked him up off the cart. He wrenched the jacket back over Leon's shoulders and twisted it tightly around his arms, effectively pinning them behind his back. Then he slammed him against the refrigerator and launched his own all-out assault on Leon's mouth.

Unfortunately, the force of the impact overturned a small earthenware vase on the top of the fridge, where it rolled around aimlessly for a few moments before making up its mind, then rolled right off the edge and crashed to the floor below.

––

"And that?" Yuffie asked, upright and wide-eyed once more.

"Was the vase on the top of the refrigerator," Aerith replied confidently. "You know – the one the Gullwings gave us for a housewarming gift?"

––

"Fuck that," Cloud snarled, none too pleased with having Leon's attention, as well as his lips, so abruptly ripped away from him by a few lousy pieces of broken pottery. He quickly recaptured them both by grabbing the brunet by his Griever again and jerking his head back up. Using the chain to anchor him to the fridge, Cloud resumed his attack on Leon's mouth while his other hand began to explore Leon's chest, finding the hard little nub of a nipple and teasing it with a touch much too light to satisfy anything other than Cloud's apparent penchant for torture.

In turn, Leon struggled not to give Cloud the satisfaction of a squirm or a moan, and though his breath was becoming heavy and ragged, he still somehow managed to snark past the metal links digging into his throat, "No thanks. I'd rather fuck you."

"In case you've haven't noticed, _Leonhart_," Cloud returned smugly, "I seem to be the one in charge here."

"In case you haven't noticed, _Strife_, you seem to be the one in a _dress _here." Leon's voice was low and raspy, but whether that was due to the chain coiled around his neck or the fire coiled around his belly wasn't for certain.

In response, Cloud pressed Leon's body even harder against the refrigerator and pulled his choke chain a little tighter, a little higher, forcing Leon to stand a little taller and lift his chin, baring his throat. His arms were still trapped between the refrigerator and his back, entangled in his jacket. Cloud leaned in closer and whispered, "You've been a very bad boy lately, Leon, and I don't think I can let that go unpunished." Leon tensed, waiting for the imminent onslaught, and he didn't have to wait long.

Working his way slowly from Leon's ear, Cloud traced the line of Leon's jaw with his teeth and trailed his open mouth over Leon's chin, laving a warm, wet path down the ridge of his throat, over his Adam's apple and down to his collarbone, pausing at his pulse point to leave his own vivid mark on the lion. While his mouth was busy with Leon's neck, left hand still keeping him tethered to the fridge, Cloud slipped his other hand underneath Leon's t-shirt. Sliding over smooth skin and hard abdominals, over the ridges and valleys of his ribs, Cloud's fingers worked a slow, torturous path back to Leon's nipple, taking the shirt along with them.

With Cloud's hand warm and rough on his chest, and his mouth hot and wet on his throat, Leon felt his resistance beginning to crumble and redoubled his resolve, but when that warm, wet mouth latched on to his nipple, Cloud's tongue picking up where his fingers had left off, a deep groan slipped past his censure despite his best efforts to stop it.

Mission accomplished, Cloud smirked around the hard little peak in his mouth, then slowly pulled off and licked his way back to Leon's lips. "You know," he whispered in between kisses, "this thing ..." and he gave Leon's necklace another sharp, short tug, "comes in pretty handy. But _these_ things," he growled as he dropped his hand to the buckle of Leon's belt, "really have to go."

Now, Cloud had spent more than enough time studying Leon's belts to know the secret to removing them quickly, and it was really quite simple; remove the one around his waist, and the rest would fall without so much as lifting a single finger – or unbuckling a single buckle. So with one swift jerk and a very self-satisfied smirk, Cloud pulled the main belt free and proved his point; the entire eye-catching, crisscrossed collection fell to the floor with a heavy clunk.

––

"And what was that?" Yuffie whispered.

"_That_," Aerith giggled, "was Leon's belts hitting the kitchen floor."

"Seriously?_"_ Yuffie said. The flower girl's powers of aural deduction were truly amazing, and Yuffie was duly impressed – must have something to do with her extra-sensory-Cetran-perceptions or something, she figured – _still _...

"Maybe I should just go check anyway – just to make certain."

"You'll do no such thing," Aerith scolded. "Now get back in that bed."

––

It happened so fast, Cloud wasn't entirely certain _how_ it had happened. One minute he was staring down smugly at Leon's belts on the green and gold checkered linoleum with Leon pressed to the Frigidaire, and the next, he was staring sideways at green and gold speckled Formica with his cheek and chest pressed to the counter.

Somehow, while Cloud was busy gloating over his victory against Leon's damn chastity belts, and preparing to reap his reward, Leon had managed to untangle his arms and shrug off his jacket, grab Cloud by the wrists and twist his arms behind his back while simultaneously spinning him around and pinning him face down on the counter. It should have been embarrassing, really, such a swift and thorough coup, but Cloud was finding it difficult to really care with the evidence of Leon's arousal pressing hard against his ass.

Still, Cloud wasn't one to just lie down and take it – at least not _yet_ anyway; it was still far too early in the game to concede defeat – so he struggled a little and squirmed a bit, testing the severity of his situation, and came swiftly to the conclusion that Leon had him well and truly trapped. Like a predator pinning his prey (or a lion mounting his mate) Leon was hunched over his body, clamping the back of his neck with his teeth and _growling_, low and feral.

But as soon as Cloud ceased his pointless struggling, the lion relaxed his open-jawed grip and gave him a gentle, almost apologetic lick, practically purring as he buried his nose in Cloud's hair and nibbled his ear. "So you want to play rough, do you?" he drawled, deceptively docile and tame, sending a shiver so intense down Cloud's spine that it curled the manicured toes in his sexy little sandals. With one last swipe of his tongue to the outer shell of Cloud's ear, Leon pushed himself off of Cloud's body.

Adjusting his grip on Cloud's arms so he could hold them both with one hand, Leon quickly unbuckled one of his arm belts and fastened it snugly around Cloud's wrists, leaving both of his own hands now free. Then he leaned back over his captive's body and jerked a lacy sleeve down his arm, fully exposing the delicious, creamy shoulder that had been taunting him all night. "Well, that's just fine by me," he snarled, back to growling again. "I can do rough." And he drove his point home with a hard thrust of his hips as he closed his mouth over the ball of Cloud's shoulder, biting down sharply enough to leave a perfect indentation of his teeth – just like the one on the back of Cloud's neck.

Then – just like the one on the back of Cloud's neck – he licked it lovingly, though Cloud was beginning to suspect that it wasn't so much an apology as an affectionate approval of his mark of possession. Cloud sucked in a breath and bit back verbally, "I never pegged you for a biter, Leon. Isn't that a bit _girly._"

"So says the delicate damsel in the dress," Leon taunted, hands traveling down the sides of Cloud's firm, toned body to his firm, lean thighs.

"Oh fuck you," Cloud snapped.

"Now, now," Leon tutted. "I thought we already established the fact that _you're_ the one wearing the dress." And to prove that fact, he grabbed the hem of Cloud's dress and hiked it up over his ass, precipitating the immediate collapse of his cool and collected facade. "Oh sweet god," he groaned. "_And_ lacy panties."

Cloud looked over his delicious, creamy, teeth-marked shoulder and wiggled that sweet, lacy ass coquettishly, then narrowed his eyes and spit out a snippy reply. "And if you hope to have a chance in hell of ever getting _into_ them, you're going to have to play by my rules."

"And I hardly think you're in any position to be issuing ultimatums, _Blondie_," Leon replied after a moment's pause to recover his composure, as well as just to admire the view. With one hand firmly holding Cloud's hip, he snaked his other hand around to tease Cloud through his panties, returning, with interest, the torture that Cloud had inflicted on his nipples. He teased the poor blond until he was squirming and panting and biting back moans, but still he refused to give up so much as a whimper.

And still Leon continued his torture, determined to make him.

He continued until Cloud looked liked he was about ready to burst from the effort of holding everything in, and then very slowly, waiting until he had Cloud's undivided attention, Leon brought his hand to his mouth and licked his fingers suggestively, _finally_ wrenching a long, tortured groan from the stubborn blond as he banged his forehead against the counter.

"_That_," Leon stated, "was for the ice cream."

Then he wrapped his arms around the younger man's hips and hoisted him up, flipping him over onto his back on the top of the counter. A grimace passed over Cloud's face and a softly hissed _"Shit"_ slipped past his tightly clenched teeth as his arms, still bound by Leon's belt, twisted at a painful angle beneath him, followed by a _"Fuck!" _which flew from his lips when his head hit the spice rack and knocked it over, sending all the neatly labeled little bottles rolling off the counter one by one.

––

"This is so exciting!" Yuffie whispered, making an exuberant Squee! face but, thankfully, keeping the accompanying verbal expression of her infinite glee well below her normal eardrum-damaging ninety decibels. "I wish we had something to snack on. Some popcorn or something. And a soda."

Both girls were now huddled on Yuffie's bed, Yuffie sitting cross-legged with her elbows propped on her knees, and Aerith propped on one arm with her legs folded neatly beneath her. Having crawled out of her own bed to crack the door a few inches so they could better hear what was going on downstairs, she had then crawled back onto Yuffie's, which was closer to the door.

"I told you this was going to more entertaining than your silly old soap, didn't I–_ Oops_, there went the spice rack." Aerith laughed lightly. "And the parsley ... and the sage ... and the rosemary and thyme..."

"_Ioops?" _Yuffie giggled. "So that means, they're like ... _on _the kitchen counter?"

Another crash came from the kitchen ... and then another.

"Well, not anymore," Aerith stated. "I think that was one of the kitchen chairs ... and _that_ was the little metal rack on the table that holds the salt and pepper shakers and the sugar."

––

"Sorry," Leon mumbled, an answering grimace flashing across his own face when he saw the one on Cloud's. He hadn't meant to actually hurt him.

He scooped Cloud up off the counter and tossed him over his shoulder, removing the belt around his wrists as he staggered towards the kitchen table. Kicking a chair out of the way – a little too hard and knocking it over – and sweeping the condiment tray to the side – a little too far and onto the floor – he deposited the unbound blond on the table with his legs hanging over the edge, causing his hips to arch upward in a most provocative manner. Licking his lips, Leon lifted his dress and sucked in his breath at the sight.

Cloud was so fucking gorgeous it _hurt;_ from his shapely legs and slender hips to his tiny waist and his pretty, pretty face, he was absolutely perfect, every single, beautiful bit of him.

Leon was just standing there staring at Cloud's body when a soft snicker drew his gaze to Cloud's face; all soft golden hair and pouty pink lips and those blue, blue eyes that were just watching him quietly. Cloud seemed to sense what he was thinking and raised a slender, golden brow in challenge. Never one to run from a challenge, Leon pushed Cloud further onto the table and then climbed on after him. "Get up here," Cloud grumbled, grabbing two fistfuls of chestnut hair and hauling on it hard.

Leon crawled obligingly up Cloud's body to reattach himself to Cloud's mouth, both of them moaning as their groins made contact. Even with the layers of leather and lace still between them, it felt like heaven after the three thick belts that had separated their bodies all evening. Still it wasn't enough.

Wanting more of that wonderful feeling and needing more friction, Cloud wrapped his arms around Leon's neck and a silky leg around his waist, pulling him closer as Leon ran his hand down the back of Cloud's thigh and grabbed his ass, crushing their groins together. But still it wasn't enough, not even close.

Compelled by the very strong, very male urge to just pound Leon into oblivion, Cloud rolled them over and – just like the earthenware vase and the condiment rack and all the little bottles of spices – right off the edge of the table.

––

"I've a feeling they're not on the table anymore, Toto." It was stated with an air of utter seriousness, but Aerith's eyes were a riot of mischief and giggles.

"No duh, Dorothy." Even without the benefit of extra-Cetran-senses, Yuffie recognized the sound of a flesh body hitting a hard surface when she heard it.

––

Leon's back hit the floor with a heavy thud, knocking all the air from his lungs, and before he could even attempt to suck some back in, Cloud landed on top of him and squashed what little remained, leaving Leon gasping for breath and dazed. Though rolling them off the table had not been Cloud's intention, he wasted no time in taking full advantage of Leon's temporary incapacity.

Straddling the older man's hips, he quickly removed the larger of Leon's two remaining arm belts and strapped his wrists to a leg of the table, securing his arms over his head. Then he leaned down and licked the inside of Leon's slightly parted lips. "What you need," he whispered, "is a little mouth to mouth, and luckily for you, I just happen to have some experience with that procedure." Then he covered Leon's mouth with his own and proceeded to kiss him senseless, further depriving the poor brunet of breath.

He finally broke the kiss to push Leon's shirt up over his head and down his arms, leaving it tangled around his wrists, and then settled back on Leon's hips to admire the striking man stretched out so sensuously beneath him. Thinking that it really ought to be a sin for anyone to be that damn sexy, he reached out almost reverently to touch Leon's body.

A deep, husky voice interrupted his worship of Leon's abdominals, and he looked up to find a pair of half-lidded, smoky blue eyes fastened on his. "Enjoying the view, Soldier Boy?" A sexy brow quirked in amusement. "Or should I say Soldier_ Girl_?"

Rising to his knees, Cloud lifted his dress and pulled down the front of his panties. "Do I look like a little girl to you?" he asked with a cocky, crooked smile.

Leon swallowed hard and shook his head, unable to take his eyes off the rather impressive sight before him. Cloud leaned down and gave him another searing kiss, then trailed his mouth down Leon's neck, across his chest to to his stomach, and when he reached Leon's navel, he stopped and looked up at him slyly, the devilish smirk which slowly spread across his pretty face promising very good things to come. Or _very, very_ bad.

"You know," he said, giving Leon's bellybutton one last fond-farewell lick, his evil smirk intensifying to a truly terrifying level, "I remember hearing when I was younger that the best way to break an animal of biting is by biting it back." And he proceeded to test that theory by nudging and nibbling and nipping as Leon bucked and moaned and cursed and groaned until he was little more than a writhing, incoherent mess on the floor.

Still not fully satisfied that Leon had sufficiently learned his lesson, Cloud reached for the fly of Leon's pants, but no sooner had he popped open the top two buttons than he found himself flat on his back, staring up into the face of an angry lion.

––

"What the ...?" Yuffie looked at Aerith for an explanation, but, for once, Aerith looked just as perplexed.

"Well ... I _think_ they turned over the table..."

––

"Who the hell are you?" Cloud choked out. "Houdini?"

That was twice now that Leon had escaped his bonds, and Cloud had no idea _how_. He only knew that _he_ was now the one on his back, and the table was now on its side. Leon's shirt was still tangled around Leon's belt, which was still wrapped around the leg of the table, only _without_ Leon's hands still in it – because Leon's hands were now wrapped around Cloud's scrawny little neck. "Play nice now," he spluttered, though he didn't actually expect it to do any good.

"_You're_ telling _me_ to play nice? Oh that's rich," Leon laughed, a deep, throaty sound that quickly turned to a growl, sending another wave of desire through Cloud's body. Still grasping Cloud's throat with one hand and pinning Cloud's arms with his legs, Leon reached up with his other hand and yanked his necklace over his head, removing Cloud's unfair advantage. "Well, little girls shouldn't play with fire," he snarled, dangling the lion-head pendant in Cloud's face before tossing it to the side, "unless they _like_ getting burned."

Well, Cloud was certainly no little girl, but he _did _like playing with his hot, fiery lion. Gods, he was gorgeous, sitting there on top of him with his pants half undone, a lean, muscled thigh on either side of Cloud's body. He was naked from the waist up, with only the smallest of his arm belts still fastened around his wrist, and he was absolutely perfect – perfect and sexy and _gorgeous;_ from his strong, sexy arms and chiseled chest to his fierce, flashing eyes and angry scowl; from his coffee-colored nipples to his silky, chestnut mane and his mouth, oh _god_, his _mouth_. Cloud wanted to kiss that mouth so bad, he almost threw in the towel.

Or the t-shirt.

Cloud opened his mouth to tell Leon to just go ahead and take him, do _anything he wanted_ with him, when Leon's t-shirt, still hanging from the table like an abandoned white flag – a mocking reminder of Leon's refusal to submit – caught the corner of his eye, and what came out of his mouth instead was a snarky rebuttal. "I'm not afraid of little fire, but all I see here is a lot of smoke."

"Then you better take a closer look," Leon replied, brushing a thumb across Cloud's cheek. "Just don't come crying to me when you singe your lovely lashes."

"We'll just have to see which one of us _comes_ crying, won't we – _Squall._"

"Oh, you are _on,_" Leon snorted. "Prepare to lose your sweet little ass." He ghosted his fingers across Cloud's collarbone and over the creamy-white swell of his pectorals.

"I hate to douse your delusions, dear, but you obviously missed the memo: The woman _always_ wins."

"Very true," Leon agreed, hooking his fingers under the neckline of Cloud's dress. "Only _you're_ no woman." And he jerked the bodice down, exposing the hard, pebbled peaks of Cloud's dusky-rose nipples, the same erotic color as his flushed and swollen lips.

"No, but I _am_ the one wearing the panties."

"Not for long," Leon promised with a predatory smile.

Moving his hands to Cloud's arms and rising slightly on his haunches, Leon crouched on all fours over the captive man beneath him and then _rolled _his hips, sending spikes of pleasure shooting through his loins and up his spine. Cloud threw back his head and groaned, arching his back so beautifully that it dragged a similar sound from Leon as he leaned down to capture Cloud's mouth in a hard, greedy kiss, brutal and demanding.

Shifting his weight to one knee, Leon slid the other one between Cloud's thighs and shoved them apart, then repeated the process on the other side so he was kneeling between Cloud's legs. "As a matter of fact," he growled, "I say enough with the foreplay and on to the fucking." Then he gripped Cloud's legs by the back of his knees and folded them to his chest, rolling Cloud's body to one side as he reached for the back of his panties.

Cloud twisted his body and shoved with both feet, knocking Leon flat on his ass, then flipped over onto his hands and knees and tried to scurry away, but a strong hand snatched hold of his ankle. He thrashed and kicked as hard as he could, but dislodging a gunblader's grip was no easy feat, and the only thing Cloud succeeded in kicking off was his sandal.

Rolling onto his own hands and knees, Leon captured Cloud's other ankle and pulled his legs out from under him, sitting quickly on Cloud's calves to keep him from crawling away. Reaching behind him, he slipped off Cloud's other sandal and threw it across the room, then leaned forward and seized Cloud's hips, hoisting them into the air. Twitching with anticipation, he grabbed the back of Cloud's panties and yanked them down over the perfect curve of his sweetly displayed ass.

With hungry eyes and calloused hands, he devoured the sweet perfection, but it only further whetted his appetite, so he bent down and wrapped his mouth around one perfect, porcelain globe, sucking in as much of the tender flesh as he could manage before biting down sharply, seemingly determined to leave no part of Cloud's body unmarked as his. Cloud reached to touch himself, but Leon knocked his hand away, replacing it with his own as he growled his disapproval against Cloud's ass. Rising to his knees, he continued to stroke the other man as he fumbled to free his own erection, tugging impatiently at the last two buttons of his fly.

"_Oh god,_" Cloud moaned, pushing forward into Leon's hand and then back against his groin as he tried to force Leon into a faster, firmer rhythm, but Leon refused to give him what he needed.

"Cloud, wait," he panted, "... not without–"

"_Oh god,_ Leon, _please,_" Cloud pleaded. "_Just do it_."

But Leon knew firsthand what it was like to get taken without lubrication, and there was no way in hell he was going to do that to Cloud. He moved his hands back to Cloud's hips in an effort to halt their insistent grinding before he lost control completely, and once again commanded, "Cloud, _wait _... we need ..." Looking frantically around the small kitchen, he spotted the "... oil. Olive–"

"–oil," Cloud gasped and started crawling towards the counter with his panties halfway down his thighs and Leon on his heels, nipping at his buttocks.

Hooking his fingers over the waistband of Cloud's panties, Leon tugged them the rest of the way down to his knees, and then all the way off as the blond crawled out of them, tossing them to the floor as Cloud pulled himself up on the counter. And just as Cloud was reaching for the bottle of oil, Leon gave him another solid bite on the butt, causing him to lurch forward and catch the lip on the crock of cooking utensils instead.

––

It had been quiet downstairs for quite some time, and the girls were beginning to suspect that the boys had simply passed out on the kitchen floor. They were starting to get a little drowsy themselves when another loud crash instantly brought them back to full alert. Yuffie looked at Aerith and raised a brow.

"The jar of utensils sitting next to the stove," Aerith stated with renewed confidence.

"The one beside the bottle of oil?"

"That would be the one."

The answering smirk on Yuffie's face was almost as wide as the one on Aerith's.

––

"_Here_." Cloud thrust the bottle of olive oil over his shoulder. Having completed a full crash, slam, rumble and roll around the small room, he was once again bent over the kitchen counter. "And hurry the fuck up."

"My, my," Leon tutted. "Such language." He grabbed the bottle and drizzled some of the oil in his hand, wondering as he prepared the normally soft-spoken blond if he always became such a potty mouth when sexually aroused. "Does your mother know the naughty things that come out of that pretty little mouth?" he asked out loud. Cloud glared at him over his shoulder, but the embarrassed blush on his cheeks undermined its intended effect.

After slicking himself with the slippery liquid, Leon set the bottle back on the the counter and grabbed Cloud by the hips. Very slowly, giving Cloud time to adjust, he pushed inside.

_Too _slowly, evidently, for the impatient blond. "Oh _god_," he keened, pushing back hard. "I thought I told you to hurry up."

"Patience is a virtue, dear," Leon stated, but his actions didn't match his mouth as his thrusts began to pick up speed; slow, measured strokes becoming faster and more frantic as he drove into the gripping heat. And then there was only the sound of flesh against flesh and ragged breath, broken by only an occasional grunt or a breathy groan, their snarky comments buried beneath the weight of building pleasure.

Then Leon slightly changed his angle of penetration and Cloud made the sweetest, most erotic sound that Leon had ever heard. It was only a small thing, soft and half swallowed, but it went straight to Leon's groin and spiked his own pleasure so sharply that he began to feel the point of no return approaching. Wanting to make it last as long as he could, he forced himself to slow down.

He wasn't nearly as sexually inexperienced as people seemed to think he was, having been with both women and men before, but nothing had ever compared to this ... this incredible _feeling _he got as he joined with the man that he lo...

The thought came straight out of left field, striking him hard in the gut and stopping him dead in his tracks just as he was about to slide home.

He loved him.

Cloud.

Leon _loved _him.

"Leon?" It was spoken so softly, uncertainly, Cloud looking anxiously over his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Leon answered. "Nothing's wrong." It took every ounce of his remaining self-control, but he forced himself to stay his movements, and as his heart began to slow its frantic beating, he eased himself from Cloud's body. A soft cry of disappointment slipped from Cloud's lips as Leon slipped from his body, confusion and sadness filling his eyes at the emptiness left behind.

"Shh. Nothing's wrong," Leon repeated. "I just ... this isn't ..." He took a deep breath and searched for the right words, shaking his head in frustration when he failed, once again, to find them. Abandoning his awkward attempt at expressing his feelings verbally, he took Cloud in his arms instead, turning the younger man around to face him, and suddenly the words were easy.

"I want to see your face," he said. "I want to kiss you." So he did. Soft and sweet and tender, he placed on Cloud's lips all of the things he couldn't put into words, and when it broke, he pulled back and looked in Cloud's eyes. "I want to make love to you," he whispered.

And then he winced in embarrassment. It hadn't sounded nearly that corny in his head.

Leon planted his face in his palm and braced himself for the sarcastic comment or mocking laughter that was sure to follow, but it didn't come, so he braved a peek through his fingers and was greeted by a heartbreaking smile and breathtaking eyes filled with reciprocated affections. Strong, slender fingers curled around his hand and gently pulled it away from his face, and soft, warm lips met his own in a sweet, chaste kiss. "Then maybe we should take this upstairs to the bedroom," Cloud whispered back.

"Yeah. I'd like that," Leon agreed with a timid smile of his own. He reached for the bottle of olive oil, but was halted by a firm hand on his arm.

"We don't need that," Cloud chuckled. "I did have enough foresight to buy a new tube of lube; I just didn't think to stash it in the _kitchen_."

And that was when Leon realized that he had been royally had. Professionally played by Team Aerith, the entire evening had been a set-up from the start; the dinner and the dancing and the dress, all part of a plan to strike-out his defenses.

And damn if Cloud hadn't pitched a perfect game.

Right up until his slip-of-the-tongue wild pitch, that is, and the hand-over-the-mouth look on Cloud's face said that he knew it too. _Foresight_, _huh?_

Well, the game wasn't over yet; Leon grinned evilly; it was just going into extra innings. "You never know," he said, picking up the bottle of oil and tucking it under his arm. "We just might need it before the night is over. Better safe than out."

Cloud's eyes flared with interest. "Is that a challenge?"

"SeeD against SOLDIER," Leon declared.

"Oh, you are _on_," Cloud echoed the older man's earlier words. "But are you sure you can handle a doubleheader, Old-timer?"

"Doubleheader?" Leon scoffed. "More like _World Series_. Try to keep up, _Rookie_."

"Oh, I can keep it up all night. The question is; can _you _handle it?"

"I can handle anything you can throw out."

_Well well, then, _Cloud snickered to himself. _Looks like I'm back on the pitcher's mound._ He grabbed Leon's hand and pulled him towards the door. "Well, in that case – let's_ Play Ball!_"

Leon stumbled after him, eyeing the disaster around the room. "Um ... but shouldn't we, uh ..."

"Fuck it," Cloud answered and dragged him out of the kitchen, leaving the forgotten carton of ice cream melting on the counter.

-xXx-

It was almost noon by the time the two tousled men finally stumbled down the stairs.

Yuffie was sprawled across the living room couch, her skinny little butt buried deep in the squooshy, marshmallow cushions and her nose buried deep in the manga that the mailman had just delivered that morning. She peered over the top and then promptly tossed it aside, her drool-worthy, Souji and Yosuke doujinshi reduced to mere coffee-table clutter with the casual flick of a wrist.

Who needed black and white porn on a page when they had their very own three-dimensional, hot and half-naked, flesh and blood bishies in full living color? _Damn_.

Leon took one look at her shit-eating grin and pivoted on his heel to make a mad dash back up the stairs to the safety of Cloud's bedroom, but a strong grip on the back of his leathers pulled him up short. Cloud's _other _hand was busy giving his balls a nice, long, leisurely scratch through his blue and gold chocobo boxers, which he then finished off with a great big, leisurely yawn, because – _really –_ nothing went better with a good, lazy scratch on a beautiful morning than a great big, leisurely yawn. "Mornin' Yufs," he mumbled and then staggered towards the kitchen, dragging his boyfriend behind him.

Aerith was at the stove, humming cheerfully and flipping grilled cheese sandwiches, and the kitchen was immaculate – sparkling clean with everything returned to its rightful place, not a single sign of the previous evening's activities other than the pile of shoes and belts and neatly folded clothing on the table. From his honored position at the top of the heap, Griever winked at them wickedly, perfectly mirroring the mischievous gleam in Aerith's eyes.

"Morning, Boys." She smiled sweetly, waving with the spatula. "You wouldn't happen to know where the olive oil is, would you?"

-The End-

Final Game Stats:

Innings pitched: Cloud 5/Leon 3  
At bats: Cloud 9/Leon 15

Hits: Cloud 4/Leon 7  
Strikeouts: Cloud 3/Leon 1  
Base on Balls: Cloud 2/Leon 3

Wild pitches: Cloud 3/Leon 0  
Stolen bases: Cloud 3/Leon 5  
Putouts: Cloud 4/Leon 0

Runs scored: Cloud 4/Leon 3  
Batting Average: Cloud .444/Leon .467/Aerith 1000

Winner: Aerith


	4. Epilogue & Omake

Curve Ball - Epilogue

If it hadn't been for his trademark scar and that deliciously distinctive ass, you might not have recognized Leon. No, he hadn't cut his hair or abandoned his belts, and yes, he was still wearing his signature leathers and fur-collared jacket, but there was something _different_ about him. Perhaps it was the slight spring in his step or the more relaxed set of his shoulders, or maybe it was the dreamy look in his eyes, but something was definitely different.

It was Friday night again, exactly one week and a whole lifetime later, and Leon was once again on his way to Aerith's. His boyfriend had sweet-talked him into going dancing again. Okay, bribed.

_You d_o like_ having sex with me, don't you, Leon?_ It was said so sweetly, looking up at Leon with those big, blue, innocent eyes. Yeah, his boyfriend was getting far too good at manipulation, and if Leon didn't get him away from Aerith's influence soon, it could only spell trouble for _him_.

Well, no worries about that; Leon fully intended to take care of that little problem this very night; it was just a matter of timing. A couple of drinks, a couple of dances. Get Cloud good and relaxed, get himself good and relaxed, and then boom. Yeah, Leon was going to pop the question.

No, not _that_ one – the _other_ one. He was going to ask Cloud to move in with him. They should live together for a while first to make sure they were compatible, right?

Right. Who was he kidding; if they were any more compatible they'd be Siamese twins.

Although Leon wouldn't necessarily mind being permanently joined at the hips with Cloud ... and the fire started smoldering in his belly as his mind took a sharp detour towards the gutter.

But yeah, wrenching his mind out of that old proverbial gutter and back to the topic at hand; he was going to ask Cloud to move in. There was plenty of room at the castle, and Leon had it all to himself. It was nice and private. No need to be quiet. You could walk around naked...

And the four-poster bed he had dragged out of storage was much too big for only one person. And you could walk around naked... Yeah...

_Cloud._

The thought of waking up beside his boyfriend every morning tugged at the corner of Leon's mouth, and he had to struggle to tamp it down, but the dreamy look in his eyes was a lost cause. And to make matters worse, his little trip to the gutter had added a thick glaze of lust on top of the dreamy, which maybe explains why he didn't see the other man turning onto Aerith's walkway until he bumped smack into him.

"_You,_" Leon growled. "I thought I told you to stay away from him." And before poor Zack could even open his mouth in his own defense, Leon decked him with a solid right hook to the chin. He quickly cast a sleep spell to make sure the nuisance stayed down and out for a while, then grabbed the taller man by the boots and dragged him behind the bushes. After brushing the dirt from his hands – more a symbolic gesture than an actual need to remove any dirt – Leon started towards the house, but abruptly stopped and turned back, snatching the bouquet of flowers from Zack's tightly clenched hand as an afterthought. Then he stomped up to the house and knocked on the door, which was promptly opened by Cloud, who was wearing a very flattering pair of black slacks and a softly ribbed, blue v-neck jersey.

"Hey," the blond greeted his boyfriend.

Leon blushed and thrust the flowers at him. _"Here._"

"Um, thanks." Cloud responded with a peck on the cheek. "I'll, ah ... I'll just go put them in some water."

Leon nodded and followed him into the kitchen, watching his hips sway sweetly. Yeah, Cloud was sexy as hell in a dress – in fact, he carried it off a lot better than most women, in Leon's opinion – and if he wanted to spice up their sex life with a little occasional cross-dressing, well that was just fine by him – not that their sex life _needed_ any spicing up – no indeed, if anything, it could probably do with a little _less _fire – not that Leon was complaining, mind you – and he blushed again just thinking about all of the things they had done this past week ... and the places they had done them ... and the positions in which they had ...

Besides, he had a few kinks of his own that he couldn't wait to try out on his boyfriend, and just as soon as he figured out where Cloud kept those damn handcuffs hidden, he was going to make sure that the blond was the one chained to the headboard for a change – but as he was saying before his mind took another well-traveled trip to the gutter – as good as Cloud looked in a dress, Leon would have to say that he much preferred him in form-fitting trousers. Mmmm, yeah. The way they hugged his sweet–

"Aer, do you have anything to put these in?" Cloud asked, interrupting Leon's dirty train of thought.

Aerith turned from the sink and smiled when she saw the flowers. "Aww, how sweet of you, Leon."

"Whatever."

"Here," she said, taking the flowers from Cloud and retrieving a vase from the cupboard. "I'll take care of these if you'll put the lasagna on the table for me." She glanced up at the kitchen clock and added with a sigh, "And I suppose you might as well call Yuffie down, and we can go ahead and eat. Leon, would you mind taking in the salad and the bread?"

After quickly arranging the flowers, Aerith joined the others at the dining room table, setting the lovely bouquet in the center with a forced smile, but it was obvious that something was wrong. She was uncharacteristically quiet throughout dinner, leaving Yuffie to single-handled carry the conversation while she dejectedly poked at her salad and peeked at the clock.

When poking the salad lost its appeal, she attacked her lasagna, dismantling it noodle by noodle, glancing up at the clock after each successive layer. Then she put it all back together again, much more messily than before since her attention was still focused mainly on the clock.

Next she went after her innocent slice of bread, tearing it into itty-bitty pieces and pushing them around on her plate as she continued to glare at the clock, then returned to stabbing her lettuce, and finally, after one last, disappointed look at the clock, she set her fork down and folded her hands in her lap with a defeated sigh.

Cloud offered her a sympathetic smile and attempted words of comfort. "Maybe he just got lost."

Leon's attention perked up, and an uneasy feeling stirred in his stomach. Or maybe it was just the lasagna.

"Maybe," Aerith said softly.

"You think your date stood you up?" Yuffie snorted. She could kinda sorta see why somebody might skip out on _her,_ but why would anyone in their right mind want to ditch Aerith?

"Maybe." Aerith smiled sadly.

Alarms started going off in Leon's head, and his brow broke out in a cold sweat. "Date?" he mumbled around the wad of bread stuck to the roof of his mouth.

"Yes." Aerith sighed. "You remember Zack from the nightclub last week?"

Leon swallowed the dry lump of bread and washed it down with his wine. "Zack?"

"Yes, _Zack_," Aerith repeated, scrutinizing Leon suspiciously.

"Um ... I'll be right back," he choked out, jumping up from the table and running out the door. "I just remembered something I need to take care of."

-The End – Again-

Author's Notes:

So, geez. This was suppose to be a short little one-shot, but it seems to have gotten snagged on a passing Energizer Bunny and dragged away. And away ... And away ... And away ...

Yeah ... I blame the bunny.

Or Reno.

And no, I don't have any idea as to why everybody knows Rufus and the Turks but not Zack, so don't ask. None of them were even supposed to be in the damn story.

Everything was going according to plan – we had just arrived at the nightclub, and Leon was dictating his internal monologue – when Reno decided to crash the party, and of course, he brought back-up. _Friends_, he called them, but that didn't fool me for one minute. I knew exactly what they were: _Reinforcements_.

Annoyed at being bullied by the Turks into submitting to their unreasonable demands, I offered some feeble excuse about them not being KH canon, but you and I both know that Reno didn't give a rat's ass about that. Then Elena pointed out that Hojo and Mukki had been mentioned in the story, to which Reno added, yeah, as well as that total _dickwad_ Don Corneo, at which point I threw up my hands and said, "Fine. You can all work at the nightclub."

Yeah, I know it's shameful how quickly I caved, but I figured it was the fastest way to shut them all up so I could get back to writing. At least Rude had the common courtesy to be quiet. I jotted down a few notes and then pointed my pencil at Reno. "Bartender," I said.

_"Yesss!" _he sibilated softly and did one of those arm-jerk/air-punch thingies.

"Waitress," I told Elena, who merely rolled her eyes and popped her gum.

Then I studied Rude for a moment and finally settled on, "Doorman." Rude gave me a dirty look as if to say he didn't appreciate being relegated to such a lowly task ... well, actually, I'm not sure what kind of look he gave me – he was wearing his dark glasses, and the rest of his face remained motionless – but just to be on the safe side, I added, "Look, it's the only non-speaking role available. Unless you'd rather be the hatcheck girl?" Well, that certainly shut him up, metaphorically speaking, of course, since he hadn't said a word to begin with.

"Just have a seat until I'm ready for your parts," I stated dismissively, returning my attention to the sexy man leaning against the wall next to Cloud, who was still dressed in drag for his part.

"Nice dress, Toots," Reno smirked, strolling over to make himself comfy on my elegant Renaissance-Revival Rosewood Parlor Couch, creating quite the study in contrasts, while Elena painted a more modest picture in the matching armchair. Rude staked out a spot in between them and proceeded to imitate a boulder, standing with his feet spread shoulder width apart and his hands folded over his privates.

"Now where were we?" I said apologetically to Leon, but no sooner had I started reading back the last paragraph, when Rufus walked in with Tseng and demanded equal time in the spotlight. When I politely told him I was all out of room, he threw a little prima donna hissy fit, and when that didn't work, he snapped his fingers at Tseng, who solemnly pulled out a long, intimidating-looking document and started spouting off a lot of legalese about Exclusive Rights and Contracts and Turks, the basic gist of which was, I _think,_ that Rufus – on account of being the Last Known Living Shinra and therefore Heir to the Kingdom, even though said Kingdom was in ruins – owned said Turks, and if I wanted to use them I was going to have to cut a deal with him. "Fine," I grumbled. "You can be The Nightclub Owner. And you," I said, pointing at Tseng, "can be The Floor Manager."

"Frankly," Rufus replied, "I had something a little more important in mind, something along the lines of The Mayor."

"Well, that's all I've got," I snapped. "Take it or leave it. Leon is unofficially considered the mayor."

"Fine," Rufus grumbled. "But I want my name in lights."

"Fine," I grumbled. "Now go sit down."

"I am _not_ the goddamn mayor," Leon grumbled.

"Dontcha think that Rude would make a better bouncer?" Elena suggested, still popping her gum.

"Are you kidding," I scoffed. "Tseng is _way_ scarier than Rude. Compared to Tseng, Rude's a big teddy bear."

Suddenly realizing that the highly trained kidnapper-assassin-demolitions expert-martial artist might not appreciate being likened to a child's cuddly-wuddly stuffed animal, I flashed Mr. Teddy Bear the most obsequious grin I could manage, and I swear I saw the corner of his mouth twitch in what might have been a small smile.

Feeling slightly more confident that he wasn't going to come back in the middle of the night and blow me up, I continued. "Seriously though, all Tseng has to do is walk around making himself highly visible and patting his pocket from time to time, and I guarantee there won't be any bar fights."

"We could start one for you," Reno volunteered.

"_No_," I replied again with an exasperated roll of my eyes. "Now all of you shut up before I change my mind about the whole thing.

"All right, Leon," I huffed, once more attempting to get back to his monologue only to be interrupted yet again, this time by Zack.

"Hi guys," he said cheerfully, waving at everybody as he walked in and plopped down unceremoniously on the edge of my desk. "I hear you need somebody to dance with Cloud and date Aerith." He dazzled me with his bright, cocky smile and then jerked his thumb at himself. "That would be me."

Leon stood up a little straighter and shifted closer to Cloud.

Aerith walked over and offered Zack one of her freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. "Hey Babe," he said, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her in between his legs, opening his mouth like a baby bird begging to be fed.

"Zack," I explained patiently, "the part calls for somebody that nobody knows. I was planning on using some random two-bit actor. And don't get crumbs on the carpet."

"So why don't they just pretend they don't know me," he said around a mouthful of cookie, as if it was all as simple as that. I watched in slow motion as a chocolate chip rolled off his lip, bounced off his thigh and hit the freshly vacuumed floor.

"Because how am I supposed to explain why they know Rufus and the Turks, but not you?" I countered, staring at the wayward bit of chocolate. I should probably pick that up before somebody ste– oops, too late.

"Well, gee, I don't know." He scratched the back of his head. "Couldn't you just chalk it up to Cloud's memory issues or something? I mean, he forgot me once before."

Cloud shot him an apologetic look, Zack smiled back at him, and Leon shifted closer still.

"And Aerith and Yuffie?" I asked.

"It's contagious?" Zack shrugged.

"Zack, I refuse to resort to such a cheap plot device," I humphed. "I know it's hard to believe, but I do have _some_ principles."

"Well then, why not just consider it a nod to Square plot holes – if they can do it, why can't you?" And then he gave me that look – yeah, _that_ look, you know the one – and how the hell was I supposed to say no to that? "Fine," I growled. "Just ... go sit down with the others."

Yeah, I was getting downright grouchy, but the morning was well on its way towards noon, and Leon and I were still in mid-monologue. "FF7 characters," I grumbled under my breath. "You don't see any FF8 characters making such a fuss, do you?"

Talk about calling the devil...

As if that was the very cue she'd been waiting for, in walked Quistis, calm and cool and regal as always, looking very sharp in her crisp SeeD suit.

"That's because, despite FF8's undeserved reputation in some circles as an inferior installment of the Final Fantasy series," she stated, looking disdainfully at Reno, who was slouched on the sofa with his limbs spread out like unregulated suburban sprawl, shirttail untucked and chocolate chip cookie crumbs littering his chest, "we have _Standards._" By which I assume she meant _high_ standards, which sort of miffed me a bit. Was she implying that my story wasn't good enough for her?

"Fine. I can give you a small cameo as the hatcheck girl," I retaliated.

"I'm not here for a part in your little production," she stated in a patronizing manner, as if I were one of her slower students. "I'm only here on behalf of my client, who has a problem with your misrepresentation of his character."

_Client? Since when did Quistis become an attorney?_

"Yeah," Seifer seconded, sauntering through the door. He strolled over to my desk and loomed over me threateningly. "A big problem."

"That's not my fault," I squeaked, chicken-wuss that I am. This was, after all, the original, six-foot-two, fully-leaded Seifer, not the beanie version. "It's Nomura's fault," I pleaded. "Blame him! Or talk to Leon; _he's _the one who said it. I just wrote it down."

"Oh, I fully intend to talk to _Squall_," he answered, fingering the sharp edge of Hyperion. Yes – _Hyperion_. No blue foam bats here, just cold, hard steel.

"Oh yeah?" Leon bristled, pulling Lionheart from its sheath. "If you've got something to say to me, come on over here and say it, _Beanie_ Boy."

"I'd love to, _Puberty_ Boy."

"_Both_ Boys!" I yelled. "Please! I just cleaned house." Oh dear, this was getting way out of hand. "Can _you_ do anything?" I begged Aerith pitifully. Could things possibly get any worse?

Of course they could. Quistis must be right; I just don't learn.

"And who's calling who dickwad, _dickwad_?" Don Corneo waddled in and poked Reno in the chest.

"Me, _dickwad_," Reno countered, jumping up and scattering cookie crumbs everywhere.

"Ewww ... somebody get that perverted asshole out of here!" Elena screamed.

"Sicko," Yuffie added, slipping my Vincent Play Arts Figure into her backpack.

Reno pulled out his rod. Rude cracked his knuckles. Tseng patted his pocket.

"Cookie anyone?" Aerith offered.

Corneo had just noticed Cloud and was staring at him lustfully, fat little fingers twitching, and Leon turned Lionheart on the sicko dickwad instead, forgetting all about Seifer. Then Mukki walked in and started eyeing Cloud too.

"Gawd, put some clothes on, you overgrown gorilla," Yuffie gagged, sneaking my Personally Autographed Collector's Edition of Advent Children Complete into her backpack.

Leon kept looking from Corneo to Mukki to Seifer and then back again, obviously trying to calculate whether he could take them all, and then looked to Quistis for help. Quistis cracked her whip.

"Hot damn," Reno said.

"... ..." Rude seconded.

"... ..." Tseng thirded.

"Why you little ..." Elena seethed, grabbing Quistis by the hair and tackling her to the ground. "That's my man, Bitch. Keep your your grubby whip off him."

Tseng quietly ushered Rufus to a safer spot in the corner of the room.

Then Reno let out a battle whoop and dove in after Quistis and Elena, with Rude diving in right behind him, and Cloud shoved Don Corneo, who was trying to cop a feel under his skirt, sending Corneo flying backwards into Mukki, who tripped over Reno's leg and bumped into Aerith, causing her to drop her plate of cookies, which pissed Zack off, who jumped up and crashed into _"My Mother's Heirloom Vase!"_, picking Mukki up and throwing him against the wall and shattering _"My Antique Gold Leaf Mirror!"_, and then Leon shoved Don Corneo for trying to feel up his boyfriend, this time sending Corneo smashing into _"My Chinese Chippendale Tea Table!"_, at which point Seifer punched Leon in the jaw just for the hell of it, knocking him into _"My Cherrywood Grandfather Clock!"_, so of course, Leon punched him back and then tackled him onto the top of _"My Queen Anne Mahogany Desk!"_, knocking over _"My Crappy Old Gateway Computer!"_ while Yuffie, who had finished cleaning out all _"My Final Fantasy Memorabilia!"_, embedded her shuriken in _"My Original Renoir!"_ and then somersaulted into the fray.

Cloud gave Don Corneo one last shove for good measure, kicked Mukki in the balls, and then grabbed his boyfriend by the arm and pulled him out the door. "Come on, Lee. Let's go get a beer."

"Guys, wait!" I yelled, jumping up from my chair and running after them. "Can I go too? ... Hey guys! Wait up! ... _Guys?_"

... ... ...?

... ...?

...?

I seriously need to find a new fandom.

-Another End-

_(And no, I don't really own any of that stuff except for the crappy old Gateway computer, not even the Vincent Play Arts figure. Woe is me.)_

Take Two: Two Weeks Later

I shuffled down the hall towards my office, clutching my first cup of coffee, bleary-eyed. Two certain someones had kept me awake all night long. Yeah, that's right: Cloud and Squalleon.

I had invited the two of them to spend a few days with me to work on an upcoming story, and the wall between my bedroom and the guest room was much too thin. Maybe I could at least get them to tighten the bolts on the bed so it wouldn't bang against the wall so hard, though I had my doubts it would do much good – not with the way they went at it.

I turned into the open doorway and slammed straight into a solid brick wall, which I promptly dumped my coffee all over. "Oh shit." I pried opened a bleary eye and looked up into a pair of dark glasses. Double shit.

"Sorry, Rude," I mumbled, pawing pathetically at his wet suit. "Ha ha. Wet suit. Wetsuit. Get it?" He didn't. Or maybe he just didn't think it was funny. Actually, neither did I.

Rude moved aside to let me pass, but I soon wished he hadn't, because with the brick wall no longer blocking my view, I could see the future flashing before my bleary eyes, and it wasn't pretty. For there, camped out in my office was a whole office full of unhappy campers. Triple shit. Yeah: Shit, shit, shit.

I immediately made a u-turn and ran right into Rude again, who was now blocking the only way out. Well, a least there wasn't any coffee left in my cup to dump on him. I slowly turned back around to face the heavy metal music.

"Good morning?" I tried, but I don't think it came off half as well as I envisioned in my head because twelve pairs of angry eyes turned on me menacingly, and twelve pairs of hands began brandishing fistfuls of printed pages. Well, _eleven_ pairs of hands; Don Corneo's were tied behind his back.

"Why is Don Corneo tied up and gagged?" I asked. "And why is Mukki sitting on him?"

"Don't ask," Reno advised. "You don't want to know."

No. I probably didn't. I slunk to my desk and into my chair, feeling only slightly better with the solid slab of hardwood between me and the angry mob in my office. "So, what's up?" I tried next, another poor choice on my part. "One at a time! One at a time!" I shouted over the ensuing din.

Then everyone deferred to Rufus, who nodded to Tseng, who indicated with a gracious sweep of his arm that Quistis could take the floor. Elena glared.

Quistis nodded to Rufus, smiled at Tseng, glared back at Elena, and then walked over to me, dropping her copy of _Curve Ball_ on my desk with a impressively loud thud. "So what's the problem?" I asked. "I gave you a nice little cameo, even threw in a couple of Trepies, _and_ you got to handle Squall's gunblade. What more could you possibly want?" Other than handling Squall's _other_ gunblade, of course, but even I'm not stupid enough to cross Cloud.

"I told you I didn't want a part in your ridiculous story," she stated, shooting me with a glare just short of laser eye. "But that's not why I'm here. Seifer asked me to drop this off." And she handed me _another_ piece of paper. Just what I wanted.

What I really wanted was a cup of coffee, but I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be allowed to leave the room, and I wasn't about to ask one of these guys to go get one for me. Maybe I could just suck some out of Rude's suit ...

Or maybe I didn't need that coffee after all, because the piece of paper I was holding did a pretty good job of waking me up once I finally looked at it. _WHAT? _"For what?"

"Defamation of character," Quistis answered with a satisfied smirk. "His attorney will be contacting you shortly."

"_WHAT?_" Yes, I fear I actually shrieked it out loud this time. "Why doesn't he sue Nomura? I'm just a lowly fanfic writer – a _poor_, lowly fanfic writer. And I thought _you_ were his attorney."

Quistis rolled her baby blues and let out a deep, exasperated sigh, obviously fed-up with having to deal with such a moron. "I'm an instructor," she stated. "If you're going to write stories about us, couldn't you at least get your facts straight?"

"Well yeah, but you said that ... you said ... that ... I trailed off as I noticed the way her eyes were beginning to narrow and her hand was inching towards her hip. Yep, I had pushed her to her limit and laser eye was just a few precious moments away. Well, at least she didn't have her whip, I noted, though she probably knew a bazillion other ways to finish me off if laser eye didn't do the trick.

When her hand finally reached its destination, I saw a brief moment of confusion flash across her face before she spun around and hissed at Reno, "Where the hell is my whip?" Reno shrugged his shoulders and raised his hands in a 'How would I know?' gesture of innocence, but Quistis wasn't buying it. She buried her face in the palm of her hand, doing a pretty good imitation of Leon, and then stalked off towards the door, having obviously already reached her maximum daily dose of dealing with morons – and it wasn't even nine o'clock yet. Rude stepped aside to let her pass and then resumed his post in the doorway.

I looked over at Reno to thank him for saving me from forty lashes, but swiftly changed my mind when I saw the look on his face, which looked something along the lines of _'What good is Quistis's whip gonna do me with no Quistis to do me?'_ And why did he seem to think that was my fault? He quickly enlightened me.

"Don't you know _anything_?" he grumbled. "The bartender's _always_ s'posed to get laid. A quickie in the closet with the hatcheck girl couldn't have been that hard to arrange."

Well, yes, it could have been, and no, I wasn't aware of that rule. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure Reno just made it up, and Yuffie must have thought so too, because she let out a loud snort. She and Zidane were sitting on the couch next to Reno, snuggled up together thick as thiev– _Oh shit,_ that can't be good.

"You know, Quistis does sort of have a valid point about getting your facts straight, though" Zack chimed in with his two cents worth. "I mean, I hardly think that Leon would be able to deck me with one blow. I'm a First Class SOLDIER – Mako-enhanced and injected with Jenova. Heck, I seriously doubt he would be able to even hit me. Do you have any idea how fast a SOLDIER's reflexes are?"

Slowly ... silently ... I shook my head, hoping I wasn't about to find out firsthand. Aerith was sitting on Zack's lap, curled up protectively under his wing – figuratively speaking, of course, since Zack seemed to be the only First Class without one – looking sad and blue, er ... sad and _pink_, and Zack didn't look one bit pleased about that. Or maybe he was just upset that she hadn't brought him any cookies.

"What's Aerith upset about?" I asked him, but Aerith raised her teary eyes and answered for herself.

"You promised me a date with Zack, and I didn't even get a single dance," she sniffled. "I was really looking forward to that date."

"I'm sorry, Aerith," I apologized. "It's just that ... well, the ending was funnier that way." I don't think she saw my point.

"Aw shoot, Aer honey. Don't cry." Zack patted her awkwardly. "I'll take you out someplace real nice tonight."

"With dancing and everything?"

"With dancing and everything," Zack nodded.

Aerith immediately perked up, smiling at him sweetly and batting her big green eyes. Damn, she was good. Zack, being male, didn't notice it, of course, but Yuffie did and snorted again. So did Elena. She rolled her eyes and popped her gum.

"So what's _your_ beef?" I asked her.

"Well, you kinda sorta made me look like a ditz."

"Well, you kinda sorta _are_ a ditz, Elena."

"Well yeah, but you still didn't hafta–" She was cut off by a stern look from Tseng.

Then Rufus walked over to my desk and dropped his copy of _Curve Ball_ on top of Quistis's. "Could you please point out precisely where within these never-ending pages of drivel one can find my engaging performance?"

"Uhh..."

"Our agreement was for equal time in the spotlight. I didn't even make an appearance."

"Well, uh ..." I picked up his copy and started hastily flipping through it. "... if you'll just turn to page ... uh, page twenty ... uh, page twenty-_six_ ... you'll see that I did at least get your _name_ in the spotlight."

"Yeah, and I didn't even get my name in the credits," Zidane complained, but he didn't look like he really cared all that much. He was too busy tickling Yuffie on the tummy with the tip of his tail.

"I'll see to it that you never work in this fandom again," Rufus stated imperiously and stalked out the door.

"But you're not even _in_ Kingdom Hearts," I grumbled to his departing back.

Tseng came next, laying his copy down very gently and neatly with a look which promised that my demise would be neither, and Elena followed close on his heels, depositing her own tome on top of the growing pile. Then she pulled the wad of gum from her mouth and smushed it onto the title page with her thumb like a sugarless cinnamon seal on Tseng's silent promise of doom.

Leaving their copies scattered on the floor, Mukki stood up and hoisted Don Corneo over his shoulder, then followed Tseng and Elena out the door, mumbling something about Leon having all the luck, to which Don Corneo, still bound and gagged, added, "Uhhm hhh huhm mmm hmm hmm huhh hmm."

"Speaking of Leon, where _are_ Cloud and Leon?" I asked.

"Um, I think they went back to their room – something about practicing for the, um ... smut. scene_,_" Zack mumbled, scratching the back of his neck. He looked at Aerith and blushed.

"What?" I cried. "They already practiced it all night long!"

"At least somebody's getting laid around here," Reno groused, giving all four limbs a good stretch before climbing off the couch and ambling towards the door, pausing briefly in the middle of the room to toss his copy of the script in the air, and some seventy-something pieces of paper came fluttering down around the room like a midsummer snowstorm. Rude shrugged his shoulders, tossed his copy as well and then followed his partner out the door.

Zack gently removed Aerith from his lap, and the two of them walked over to set their copies on my desk – Aerith with a disappointed sigh and Zack with a disapproving shake of his head – before walking out together, leaving only Yuffie and Zidane still in the room. Then they too stood up and departed, leaving their copies on the sofa and me all alone with all the dead trees.

A few minutes later, Cloud came staggering into the room, looking like he had been through a long, hard night of rough sex – which wasn't very surprising, considering that he_ had _been through a long, hard night of rough sex – dragging an equally disheveled-looking Leon behind him, but both of them were wearing grins like the cats that had gotten the cream. And the canary. And some tuna, and a couple of mice, and then _more_ cream for being such very, very _good_ little kitties.

Leon wasn't wearing much of anything else – namely, just his griever necklace, his boots, and the bottom half of Cloud's dress, which was looking much the worse for wear, though not as bad as the top half, which was ripped and hanging down around his hips. His hands were secured behind his back with one of his arm belts, and the other two had been buckled end to end around his neck to form a makeshift collar. A couple of his hip belts had also been buckled together to serve as a leash, with one end attached to the collar and the other end attached to Cloud, who was wearing Leon's pants and had his shirt on backwards. In Cloud's other hand was Quistis's whip.

"Hey," Cloud grinned, glancing around the room. "Everybody gone?"

I nodded grumpily. "You know, I could have used a little help here. While you guys were busy humping each other's asses, I was getting mine handed to me on a sharply spiked platter."

"Sorry," Cloud said, though it didn't look that sincere with the shit-eating grin still plastered on his face. "At least you'll be happy to hear that we finally got that scene all worked out."

"Yeah," Leon agreed, staring dreamy-eyed at his boyfriend. "Well, except for that one part – you know – _that_ part – where you pound me into the mattress while suck– uh, you know, at the same time, uh ... yeah. well. um ... I think that part could still, uh, you know, still use a little more work – just ... a _little_. like – just a few more times, maybe ... or, um – _a couple_. at least _._.. yeah ... well. um..."

Yeah ... well. um... At least he had the decency to blush as he tore his gaga-eyed gaze off of Cloud long enough to glance over at me.

"You can't possibly imagine how _limber_ he is." He sighed dreamily. "Must be all that yoga."

"Well come on then," I said with a sigh of my own. "I suppose you had better _show _me to make sure I get it right."

And that, I reminded myself as I followed two sets of very sexy hips down the hall, is precisely why I'm still with the Final Fantasy fandom.

-Really The End This Time-

Really.


End file.
